I used to love her…

Some days I wake up and all I want is to curl up like a ball in the fetal position… covers over my head… the world… on pause.

Other days I want to be curled up around my babe… touching her… her touching me… our bodies covering each other… the world… on pause.

Most days I open my eyes… take the first breath of the day as life comes back into sharp focus… thank God for another day… thank God for the gifts in my life… and wishing I could stay warm… and SAFE for another five minutes… the world… on pause.

I miss her… she was funny… and kind. She was fearless… adventurous… without a care in the world. She approached life with enthusiasm. She had a healthy respect for life and the events that take place to shape a person either into the person they are… or the person they are meant to be.

I miss her… she believed in people… in love… in doing the right thing… she had an abundance of FAITH… faith in people, situations, God and herself. She was a fighter… a soldier… a warrior woman… descendant of FIGHTERS… descendant of SOLDIERS… descendant of WARRIOR WOMEN.

I miss her… she was strong and powerful, her energy burning hot and wild like… liquid lightening,  her spirit burning bright… bright like all of the stars… in perfect communion. She used to make me feel safe. I was safe… because I had her with me always.

Some days I wake up and all I want is to curl up like a ball in the fetal position… covers over my head… the world… on pause.

Other days I want to be curled up around my babe… touching her… her touching me… our bodies covering each other… the world… on pause.

Most days I open my eyes… take that first long breath of life as the day comes into sharp focus… thanking God for another day… thanking God for the gifts in my life… and wishing I knew I might FEEL warm… and FEEL safe at some point… the world… on pause.

I lost her… humor… kindness… and now I’m just fearful… cautious… with every care in the world. I approach life with a baseball bat. I have a healthy respect for life and the events that take place to shape a person either into the person they are… or the person they should have never been.

I lost her… her belief in people… in love… in doing the right thing… her abundance of FAITH… faith in people, situations, God and herself. She was a fighter… a soldier… a warrior woman… descendant of FIGHTERS… descendant of SOLDIERS… descendant of WARRIOR WOMEN.

I lost her… her strength and power, her energy burning hot and wild like… liquid lightening, her spirit burning bright… bright like all of the stars… in perfect communion. I used to make her feel safe. She was safe… because she had me with her always.

Some days I wake up and all I want is to curl up like a ball in the fetal position… covers over my head… the world… on pause.

Other days I want to be curled up around my babe… touching her… her touching me… our bodies covering each other… the world… on pause.

Most days I open my eyes… take a long and hard breath as my life comes into bright and sharp focus… struggling to thank God for another day… struggling to thank God for the gifts in my life… wishing I could FEEL warm… wishing I could FEEL safe… wishing the world… on pause.

I used to love her…

Pay attention…

This is what falling out of love with yourself looks like.

Depression is REAL… know the signs.  Educate yourself… it is common and too often ignored.

Protect yourself and your loved ones.

–          NovaCSA

Facts About Depression:

Symptoms and Getting Help: