Is this year over yet?

This morning I replied to a friend’s FB status about how she was feeling about love and relationships. I was honest and shared my view based on my recent experiences.

Response:

This has been a year of deep heartache, disrespect, humiliation and BS. I’m surviving it. Love, women, relationships… I’m not really sure what the point is anymore. Love has become subject to approval based on things that have nothing at all to do with actually LOVING someone.  Women are evil to each other in ways men could never dream of or imagine and disrespect runs rampant because let’s face it… deep down most people don’t really have any respect for themselves…  so how can they have it for anyone else? In the end take those things that make you bleed and learn from them. Wear your scars with pride because they are a testimony to the battles you have fought and SURVIVED. Be who you are, because you are beautiful and love yourself because… in this life right now in this world… treating yourself well has become a good idea instead of common practice.  Be good to you! Anyone new in your life will have 2 options. “Get on board” or “Get the f*ck out of the way”. I had to learn these things… I’m still learning them, and I will continue to re-learn them EVERY day for the rest of my life, because the alternative… that parade of false love, the self serving, disrespectful women… is just NOT acceptable.  (((Hugs))) – the end

Since this response I’ve been thinking. .. 2013 was a year of extremes… things were either really really bad… or really really good. I’ve had no buffer… and I’m over it. I was recently told I’m a dissapointment… oddly enough by someone who has disappointed me my ENTIRE life. Perhaps maintaining the current relationships in my life is more important than expanding my circle. Let’s face it… my friends are in fact awesome… we take care of each other. I’ve learned that not all offers of friendship are genuine. Now when someone speaks I weigh their words against their actions… because it is a fact that a healthy dose of suspicion does not necessarily translate to paranoia. Sometimes… folks REALLY are out to get you.

So I’ve been re-evaluating, I’m not the person I was this time last year. In some ways I’m better… in others… worse. I could apologize but I won’t. Life does not apologize.  God has his plans and I can say in my times of deepest darkness and crippling heartache he has been consistent, and I knew I was loved.

BUT…

I would be a liar if I said I’m NOT ready for this year to be over.  So many new beginnings on the horizon. New year,  new job, new home, new love,  new friends, a new start, a new me.

This year I’ve been bent to the point of almost breaking, wounded by people I loved deeply, bloodied in ways I never experienced before , used for the things I can offer, abused for the things I can’t and discarded like used up toilet tissue. All by different people and different circumstances… creating one big ball of “I deserve better…” Kind of a “life punch in the face”. Smh when they say “life’s a b*tch” they are not joking,  but I’m a fighter, and I punch that b*tch back.

My theme for the new year… like the Phoenix in the picture above.  I’m a survivor.

Thank you and F*ck you very much 2013.

– Nova