I Believe Part Deux
I spent the day tied in knots, haunted by memories of you… the rise and fall of your voice when you are excited, the infectious ring of your laugh… the likes of which for some unknown reason always remind me of coins rattling in a tin can… the way you always sound surprised and caught off guard when you are in the throes of it, even now just the memory of it makes me smile.
I don’t think I ever told you it was that laugh that set me on the path to falling in love with you… … the way you said my name cracked open the door… the way you looked at me like I was water in the desert blasted it wide open… and the way you called me your “WOMAN” forever carved this space for you in my heart.
I spent years seeking, seeking, seeking something elusive yet beautiful. It’s a wonder I made it this far, considering how often my views on dating and relationships have changed. You remained the constant, made me feel safe… and in my worst moments you are always the one I run to… home. We have to learn to crawl before we can walk… I am taking baby steps, have finally stopped to breathe and realize all roads lead to you.
Being honest I fully admit that I should have never dated you… the timing for it was all wrong. I was on the edge of reason, still licking my wounds from a very bad situation… made to feel that I was less than, unwanted, disgusting even. I could say that I am fully healed, but like PTSD the smallest things take make back to that place. I don’t think people ever fully heal from attacks on the heart and mind. The wounds may close, forming scabs that leave the skin tough and scared… war wounds.
I grew up in a household where none were considered beautiful, surrounded by relatives who either thought me stupid or made it clear that I was lucky to have passable looks to ‘get by’ on. There was no way I could believe you could want me the way you said you did. How could you? I was abrupt, brash, overly thick and no raving beauty… so, it was said… and so I believed. If I was discounted by family and discarded by someone I cared for, how could the one my heart beat for… want me?
It’s unbelievable how much time it took for me to get here. I’ve chased down my demons, let things go and acknowledge nothing worth having is ever easy. It took me so long to forgive you, too long really. I’m still not sure I’ve forgiven myself. Saying I’m only human, feels like a cop out… giving up is easy. So why does fighting for our blessings always feel impossible?
You made me want to be a better woman, what’s more, I wanted to be better for you. Every time I was with you was like getting struck by lightning… sharp and hot, an affirmation of something bigger than myself. Every time we argued I felt like I was spinning… round and round in circles, never able to stop it. It was like every ounce of everything that was good about us, everything that was good in us would collapse in on itself and lead us to the center of a hurricane. Baby, for the life of me I could never understand how we would end up there and still haven’t figured out how to avoid those storms when I see them coming.
Friendship seems the only reasonable course of action. You deserve everything and more, and each day I pray you find it. Romance is easy… Faith and Trust… that is hard, can’t build a house of love without a solid foundation… lol can’t even build a shack of LIKE without some tools. I realize now that it was in the darkest moments of our relationship that I should have remembered you were my source of light.
They say people come into your life for a session or a lesson… for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You’re my lesson learned… your fingerprints etched in my skin and the memory of you forever embedded in my spirit. I miss the way you held me tight, your scent, the pretty pale blush on your skin when you are excited, the quickened pace of your heartbeat when I touch you, the way you arch your back seconds before you flood me with your release, the way you looked at me… like I was water in the desert, and that infectious laugh… coins rattling in a tin can…
There are good people in this world and then there are the ‘others’, you are one of the good ones. I’m proud of you and wish you much success in life. Everything happens for a reason and I believe God always finds a way… makes no mistakes, and holds us accountable. I hope you have found that elusive love that feeds your spirit and makes you a better woman… I pray you keep it, and I pray that you are happy. Just clearing the air, I have no intention to make life difficult for you. The difference today… is I am holding myself accountable.
God stood for a time in quiet reflection at the gates of Heaven looking down at Earth. The Angels approached him slowly, “Father, its time”. With heavy heart the Lord took a deep breath and replied “arm yourselves.” The Angels waited patiently for the Lord to pass, then followed close behind him. These were troubled times and the armory was in use more often than not. Solemnly they prepared for battle and while the Angels knew the events to come troubled their Lord, they also knew he would never abandon his children.
The roar of the crowd was deafening, the energy thick with adrenaline. The home team scored another touchdown and everyone was wild. The stands were full of students, teachers, parents and Angels. The refs whistle blew, players rushed down the field after the ball. The crowd was mad with excitement as the clocked counted down. It happened so quickly no one noticed at first… players kept playing… the crowd kept cheering… the coach screamed at the young player “Get up… GET UP…” the father stood in the stands cheering with everyone else fully expecting his son to get back up again, like he had thousands of times before this. In that next moment the world stopped. Everything shifted into slow motion and the world went quiet. As he watched his son lay on the field the only sound the heavy thump of his heartbeat. When the players closest on the field raced toward his fallen son time sped up again. “No, no, no, oh God no…” calling his son’s name he started pushing his way through the crowd to get to his boy.
God walked down the 50 yard line, his stride was sure and full of purpose. As they prepared to load the boy onto the stretcher God knelt down and covered him. The crowd had fallen silent, the Angels flanking the field, the only sound for miles a father calling his sons name. The boy’s eyes slowly opened as God took hand and said “get up.” The boy blinked looking up at the face of God as he said “Child… get… up” and with the Lords help he stood up. When his legs buckled as he tried to walk on his own God was there to catch him, in the arms of his teammates, in the arms of his father. “It’s ok, I think your knee is busted, you’re ok… you are ok” the boy’s father said with tears in his eyes. The crowd cheered as they led him off of the field, he was ok.
The heat was blinding, short of breath and sweat stinging his eyes the commanding officer gestured for his men to fan out and wait. As they positioned themselves the sand flew and churned as though a storm was coming. The Angels marched together quick, sure footed and in unison. The men were right, a storm was coming… WAR. Gunfire erupted, men began shouting and the commander raised his weapon to take fire. As his finger pressed against the trigger he prayed, “God help us…” In the midst of the heat of battle God stood beside the commander ready. The air filled with smoke, his men backed up against a wall the commander made a decision and planted himself between his men and the next wave. “Come on God they only need a few minutes” the commander whispered to himself as he aimed and fired repeatedly. The Angels strode into the melee surrounding the soldiers, surrounding the ‘enemy’. Where there were fallen the Angels shielded them… men and women… from both sides.
“Now… now, NOW!” the commander shouted at his men as he stepped forward taking the brunt of gunfire. When the first bullet struck him he didn’t notice. God wrapped himself around the commander as his body jerked from the impact, shielding him from the pain. Blood running down his body in sheets the commander felt nothing as he continued to hold off the ‘enemy’ and give his men time to get out. Blood roaring in his ears the commander pulled the trigger… again and again, until he fell. The world went dark for a few minutes and when he opened his eyes God looked back at him. The fallen soldier tried to speak as God picked him up. God rose with the commander in his arms as all around the battle field Angels picked up the fallen. Their arms weighed down with their precious burdens, heat rising from the ground in waves as the sun blinded those still shooting. The ground shook as God and his Angels carried the fallen out of the battle, as they carried his children home.
“Father forgive me” she whispered as she stepped into the water. She lay back and rested her head against the back of the tub. Tears streaming down her face she couldn’t think past the pain. Her heart was broken… breaking still with every breath. Love and loss had taken their toll, she was tired and could not go on hurting. He left her… after years of struggling with her anxiety, years of working through her mental illness he left her. Enveloped in her pain as she was she didn’t notice the Angels come into the room, didn’t see them surround her.
Picking up the razor blade she began to pray, every breath harder than the last. As she touched the blade to her skin she closed her eyes… breathing in the steam from the bath… breathing in deep, building up the courage to end her pain. Strengthening her resolve to stop the constant fear, to put an end to the never ending roller coaster of her depression she clutched the razer in her fist and God wrapped his arms around her. As blood streamed from her hand into the water her pain eased. God held her tight as she cried… cried for all that she had lost… cried for what she had been about to do.
The Angels smoothed back her hair and gently took the blade out of her hand. She cried for every bit of pain she had endured and wrapped her arms around her God as he held her close. “Child… you are loved” he said to her as he again smoothed the hair off of her brow. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” she stammered, but God just smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks as the singing started. She sighed as the room was filled with the voices of Angles as they sang… to her. She looked into her father’s eyes and felt a blanket of peace come over her like nothing she had ever felt before and she was filled with a new certainty… troubled times were ahead, she was anxious, but she was not broken.
She came into my life when I was searching… for something… ANYTHING. She thought I was exceptional, beautiful and a living dream. She loved me… really loved me, and decided that was enough… no consideration and no effort was needed. She loved me… just not enough to work for me… not enough to work for US… a waste of a love just for lack of trying.
She came into my life when I was starting over… working toward being a better person. She was focused and full of spirit. She loved me and turned that focus on me in constant battle… every day, all the time until I just couldn’t do it anymore.
She came into my life when I was young and free… looking for something (someone) to believe in. She was beauty and strength and amazing. She helped me figure out who I really was, she showed me my truth and then she left.
She came into my life when I was focused… she was young and free. She made me feel again after a long while of being empty. She was sweetness and candy… and in an effort to protect her from me… from what being with me at that young and vulnerable time in her life would do to her… I left.
She came into my life at a time when I was vulnerable and seeking… looking for love, looking for peace. She was wild she was smoke and some kind of wonderful. She looked at me, she touched me and she found me lacking.
She came into my life when I was comfortable… with myself, with my life. She was passion and heat. She was vulnerable and light. She loved me… oh how she loved me. She had me too but she didn’t trust me… which I took as a rejection so I rejected her… a waste of a love never allowed to thrive.
6 great women… 6 degrees of love… in no particular order… you made me better and I carry you with me always.
Introspective, that’s me… self-awareness… that’s the key. I haven’t written in a while so this is going to be a random rant, possibly confusing and definitely all over the place.
I spend so much time looking inward, checking in, seeing how I feel, and working to understand why I did this or that. I’ve looked inside of myself for so long, well… I can actually say I no longer have any idea what I’m looking at. I trust my instincts, or at least I used to and I am honest with myself… brutally. It’s amazing how much outside influences affect us, shape us… change us. Bridget Jones, the character Hannah from the HBO series GIRLS, the character Alice Pieszecki from the Showtime series The L Word and of course the character J from the web series Awkward Black Girl… these are the touchstones I find relatable. They are all variations of wild, rude, impulsive and yes, awkward… versions of me.
I am a black, lesbian with weight issues… wicked smart, dumb as a brick and wildly foolish. I give of myself to the ones I care about. I work hard, play hard and love with everything inside of me. I am difficult, independent, strong willed, not easily read or relatable. Did I say difficult? I can see 40 bearing down on me and find myself learning lessons now that I should have learned a long time ago. People will look at you and judge you… they will speak with you and decide whether you are worth their effort or not. The truth is many will find you lacking; no matter what you do for them, no matter how much you give to them and no matter how well you treat them.
My family loves me… they accept me exactly as I am. We don’t always get along and they don’t really like me much (What? I said I was honest) and we don’t usually understand each other. My friends… now they get me, they have the uncanny way of pushing me to always keep trying, they dig deep and pull out the best of me. Lovers… well lovers are a whole other story.
I have heard a few things to consider lately… “Stop dating people who are beneath you”, “Stop giving people so many chances”, “Stop giving so much of yourself”, “Stop giving people the opportunity to hurt you” and “Only date someone who loves you more than you love them.” Almost everyone close to me keeps telling me I need to find someone who can ‘do for me’, someone who can buy me nice things, take me nice places… someone who is financially my equal (or better). The truth is I have never looked at dating from that point of view… I’ve always said I don’t mind if you are a janitor, but you should WANT to own the broom. I work hard to make my own money and buy myself and those that I care for nice things. I ask for equal EFFORT, not money… I ask for affection and LOYALTY, not disinterest and lukewarm sentiment. I only ask for someone who sees me and accepts me flaws and all. I don’t think that is asking for too much.
These days I find something as simple as a hug can change the course of my whole day. My family is not an affectionate bunch, hugs were rare… hearing “I love you” rarer still (nonexistent really) and my first picture with my mom was my junior high graduation. So yes… the one that will hug me; close, tight, long and often… that’s the one I will marry. HUGS (and kisses on the forehead) are magic. Years ago I looked in the mirror and did not like the person that was looking back at me. While I am not quite there yet I find myself looking back into that dark place… where it’s isolated and comfortable. I find myself surrounded by people suffering from anxiety, and I work to put them at ease. That’s important to me… having the ones I care for at ease.
Oddly enough the past few years I have made new friends (that stabbed me in the back), had lovers that lied to me, stole from me, cheated on me, accused me of cheating on them, used me, discarded me for being; too blunt, too open, to serious, too standoffish, too independent, too abrupt, too insensitive, too overweight, to easy going. “You make things too easy for me” was the single most life altering thing my most recent ex ever said to me. Constantly being put in the position to prove yourself to those who would use you and bleed you dry is exhausting.
So I am on a journey… funny how much people say that.
Why do lesbians (women who are attracted to other women) date women who look like men?
In my spare online entertainment moments I run across this question quite a bit. It is one of those ‘hot button’ issues that sparks both animosity and controversy. You can watch an intelligent conversation between a group of people devolve quickly with just a few clicks of the mouse and some tapping of happy fingers on an unknown keyboard.
We spend so much time baiting each other online for something we really have no control over… something where ultimately our individual opinions DO NOT matter. Being lesbian, gay, transgender etc. does not add or take away from the quality of life someone lives, it does not limit a persons contributions to this world and it is not a reflection of a person’s character. Shouldn’t we know these things already? You know… given that the masses of straight folks are created equal and are all saints and such.
For those of you that missed it… that was sarcasm.
To be clear… not all lesbians are closeted bisexuals, not all lesbians were sexually abused, not all lesbians hate men, not all lesbians CHOOSE to be lesbians and no… LESBIANS are not confused.
They can love men and everything a real man stands for without wanting anything more than friendship, an appreciation for a father, uncle, or brother figure and affection for a son. Lesbians can and sometimes actually do love men. They just do not connect with them on a romantic or sexual level. That does not automatically make men ‘less than’ to them it just makes a man an inappropriate choice for a partner… if anyone cares about happiness.
Simply put, while a woman may appreciate masculine attributes she may not be mentally, sexually or emotionally stimulated by a man.
Masculine identified women (those more comfortable appearing or behaving as less feminine than the average woman) may appear masculine due to the window dressing of their wardrobe but it is their nature that is appealing to a feminine woman and in some cases… a not so feminine woman. They tend to be attentive and respectful of their partners in a way most men will never understand because they have being a woman in common.
We hear men in ‘straight’ relationships complain all the time about ‘chick flicks’ and other girly things their women try to make them do. With a not so feminine woman the attraction may be kindred spirits, or the appreciation of their nature or ‘like attracts like’. With a Feminine and Masculine lesbian dynamic that ‘something extra’ straight women look for is already there… because despite the masculine wardrobe her love interest… IS STILL A WOMAN.
There is no “choosing” involved, no matter what a man is bringing to the table a lesbian’s preference would not just magically change. It wouldn’t matter if any man had those afore mentioned things. She would still want a woman. It may be a choice for some but for others (the ones I have heard people classify as ‘real lesbians’) men are just not an option, they are not desired and they could never meet the needs of a woman that loves and desires other women in that way. They know what they want and they are very clear about it… it’s not MEN.
I respect the fact that it just doesn’t make sense to many, however… how often does anything to do with love and relationships actually make sense?
It is easy to throw religion at a question or problem one simply can’t figure out or wrap their heads around. Name calling is easy as well, even violence is easy… but understanding that requires patience, and a willingness to learn about something outside of your comfort zone? So how about maybe not necessarily trying to understand it… why not just respect someone else’s choices?
That’s the stuff greatness is made of.
My most recent Ex pointed out that while I write about everything, I haven’t written about our breakup. She’s right I suppose. So here goes…
I’ve always thought that ‘the one’ would present herself as friend first, lover second. I’ve been reckless and irresponsible with matters of the heart. Trusting blindly and caring with no safety net. It’s interesting how many state they want someone ‘all in’ to sweep them off of their feet and claim them. Yet when presented with it… 1 million and 99 reasons crop up to stop all progress. They trust not at all and wrap themselves in protective gear.
It’s interesting how many think me an oddity because I am not in love with love. I am not running the streets… I’m not randomly bedding down with just anyone who pays me attention. It’s sad to see how many think me indifferent or cold because my life is not centered in my relationship status. I have goals, I dream big and often. I work on MYSELF daily because I am trying to be the person I was born to be, the person God intended and yes I strive to be someone worthy of that ‘one’ everyone is always talking about.
Bitterness is easy… accountability is much harder. I finally figured out that I’ve never made anyone EARN me. Earn my respect, my loyalty, my trust… my love. I treat others in all of the ways I wish to be treated. I’ve loved truly, madly and deeply… and I can say the ones on the receiving end either didn’t deserve it or they didn’t want it. I take ownership of my flaws… of which there are many. I take people at face value… which is my biggest mistake… over and over again. The world is full of predators, deceivers, users and folks with such a low sense of self-worth that they need for you to dim your light in order to feel good about themselves.
Anger is easy… acceptance is much harder. I’ve heard so many different variations of ‘you need to change, you are not enough’ that actually it’s starting to become funny to me. Too tall, too short, too smart, too uneducated, too silly, too serious, too mean, too nice, too far, too close, to indifferent, too clingy, too predictable, too unpredictable, too responsible, too irresponsible, too feminine, too masculine, too aggressive, to submissive, too black, and my personal favorite… not black enough.
Now I need you to take this in its proper perspective. If I was a lesser being… that list… would have driven me insane a very long time ago. If I was one of these basic women out here I would have every complex known to man. If I was a sad excuse for a person I would pass all of that bile onto others. Instead… I treat others in the way I wish to be treated. Silly me.
I’ve always prided myself on my intelligence… beauty is subjective. I could even say I’m a good person… but that’s a matter of opinion and I’m sure there are people roaming this Earth who would vehemently argue that point. I could curl into a ball and sing ‘woe is me’… but to what end? I have loved completely. I’ve been loved and well. What do you say when you are told you didn’t give enough, try enough, do enough… you just are NOT… enough and never will be?
I’ve always thought that I would present myself as friend first, lover second. I’ve been reckless and irresponsible with matters of the heart. Trusting blindly and caring with no safety net. I have no desire to sweep anyone off of their feet and I’m not sure I have enough of that romantic whimsy to put the effort in to be ‘all in’ or to claim anyone. When presented with it… 1 million and 99 reasons will crop up to stop all progress. So I’ll trust not at all and wrap myself in protective gear. After all it works so well for everyone else.
It’s interesting how many think me an oddity because I am not in love with love. I am not running the streets… I’m not randomly bedding down with anyone who pays me a little bit of attention. It’s crazy to see how many think me indifferent and cold because my life does not revolve around my relationship status. I have goals, I dream big and I dream often. I will continue to work on MYSELF daily because I am trying to be the person I was born to be, the person God intended. Yes, I used to focus on being someone worthy of that special ‘one’ everyone is always talking about but now my focus is on that ‘one’ being worthy of ME.
Ladies… stop turning every conversation into a discussion about finding a partner. Build yourselves up and take care of yourselves. I’ve finally learned that with God’s help I am ultimately responsible for protecting MYSELF. Nothing and no one else can or will ever do it. I never believed in ‘knights in shining armor’ anyway as I had no need and no desire to be rescued… but secretly I hoped that someone would WANT to be that for me… even if I didn’t need it… ESPECIALLY because I didn’t need it. Yes… silly me.
I’m told regularly I’m indifferent, I don’t care, I’m not invested, I’m cold, I’m unfeeling blah blah blah… stop talking about it. I don’t even know how to respond to any of that, because seriously… I’ve got nothing. My world would be a better place if random women were not constantly turning every conversation into ‘I have someone for you, why are you single, you’ll find someone’. Seriously… give it a rest already.
For those that didn’t want me, I’m ok with that. For those that walked away… maybe ran, thank you. For those I didn’t want… I’m sorry, seems as if that always happens when it shouldn’t. For those I walked away from… maybe ran, be honest… you are breathing a tremendous sigh of relief lol. At the risk of sounding detached I submit this to my most recent ex and anyone else who thinks they know me. I am a deeply flawed person. If I’ve disappointed you than I am sorry.
When asked in the past I always said I believe in God… I always said I believe in love. Ask me now I will say I believe in God.
God is love.
Saturday’s Good Night…
My love wants to try something new… so we bought a strap today, more like a ‘strapless’ strap… 2 1/2 inches wide… 8 inches long… and chocolate brown with a strawberry shaped head… a feeldoe. I smile at your anticipation… you’re excited… I’m mostly just… well… blah. Penetration was never my thing so you’re anxious about hurting me… and I just want to please you. Mmm… how I love making you feel good. The expressions on your face when you’re cumming… The way your body moves, tenses, clenches… the way it fits against mine… warm, soft, snug like a glove… and the sounds that you make… the sighs… the gasps… and the moans… oh God… those moans…. mmm my pussy throbs with wanting you.. Damn… if you like it… this was going to be good. You walk in the room… I’ve set the stage… lit the fireplace… laid out the fur rug.
You’re carrying a bottle of my favorite wine and one glass…. Hmm I guess we would share. Things have definitely gotten interesting since I pinpointed my sensitivity to alcohol. In the past I always said liquor had one of two effects on me… It made me sleepy… Or it made me horny. Now I know that its vodka, champagne, rum and gin that make me sleepy… while tequila, whisky and wine make me horny… smh sipping on that stuff is like a heated tongue bathing my clit.
I’m not wearing anything but the silver chocker you gave me… the tiny necklace shimmering wildly in the dancing glow of the fire. You’re not wearing anything except the strap hanging low between your thighs. I watch you as you kneels down beside me, a true beauty… this woman of mine. I know your body as well as my own. The strap is unfamiliar though… foreign. “Come lay with me…” I whisper, you nod and lie down… wrapping me in your arms pulling me on top of you. I rest my head against your breast listening to your heartbeat… lulled by the rhythmic rise and fall of your breath.
Your hands slide slowly down my back causing me to shiver. Such a sensitive area… I shiver again as your hand slides back up… My pussy wet and aching for you like no other. Your hand glides slowly down again and my entire body tenses… slowly… slowly back up and I sigh and you moan in response. I shift myself enough to slide my tongue over the curve of your breast…slowly… slowly and you tense. I flick my tongue over your nipple and you moan again… tug on it lightly with my teeth and your back arches… damn… I sit up and you reach for me. I shake my head no… not yet. I kneel before you and bend to press feather light kisses along your neck… over your collar bone… down between your breasts… rubbing my tongue over your skin periodically… over your ribs… kissing your sides… circling your navel with my tongue. Your muscles spasm as my lips rub over one hip… and my tongue slowly slides over the other.
You sit up… “Bae you don’t need to…” you whisper low and hoarse. I look up at you and shake my head no. Then press my lips against the head of your dick followed by feather light kisses down the shaft. Your body is tense as I reach the apex of your thighs… where the strap rests against your pussy… and I pause to breathe in your scent…. mmm my baby is wet… and knowing this sets my entire body on fire. I rub my lips over the shaft drawing lazy circles around the head with my tongue… then slide you deep inside my mouth. You sigh and shift your hips slowly. I moan against your heated flesh as my lips slide up…. then down the shaft. I breathe in your scent… your pussy is wet… excited. “Damn Bae…” you whisper… your voice hoarse… my tongue slides up your dick till my lips are wrapped around just the head… slide down just an inch… then back up… “Yes… Baby?” I moan breathless. Then quickly flick my tongue back and forth over that sweet spot just under the head.
Suddenly you rise up and kneel in front of me… pulling me toward you for a kiss that is heavy… hot… and long, I pull away whispering in your ear “Please…” You sigh and I feel the quick flash of your teeth as you bite my neck… and my pussy floods with heat. I pull away from you as your hands slide up to cup my breasts. Damn you know how much I love that! I press against you… high on the feel of your naked skin against mine. I pull away again… inching away from you, I rise slowly before you, my pussy now at your eye level… and you press your face between my thighs on a long deep breath as I slide my fingers into your hair.
You rub your face into the apex of my thighs… pressing butterfly kisses against my womanhood… fluttering your tongue over my skin with feather light strokes. Your tongue slowly scrapes across my clit causing my whole body to shiver. “Mmmm… no…” I sigh regretfully… stepping away from you. You watch me hungrily as I walk backward toward the sofa. “Bae…” you growl… rising slowly. Finally I feel the sofa against my legs and sink down to sit… with my thighs open… pussy wet and throbbing fully exposed to your view. “I want you Bae…” you sigh… voice thick with longing. I lean back and slide my hand between my thighs… slipping my finger into the slick folds of my pussy… “I need you Daddy… I need you… “I whisper as I slowly slide the finger into my pussy… “right… here” .
Your breath is quick as you stalk me… kneeling down between my thighs you grab my hand… bringing it up to your face you inhale deeply before pressing the finger between your lips… sucking it the way you would my clit… if I gave you the option. “Mmmm… NO…” I moan… pulling away. I shake my head and gently push you back as I lean forward. Our faces are inches apart and we watch each other for a time… our breath mingling… hearts thundering… “I need you…”I whisper against your lips “now…” as I sink my teeth into your bottom lip for a quick nibble. “Damn…” you sigh reaching for me. “Mmm no…” I moan against you pushing you further back.
I rise up on the sofa and turn my back to you. Bracing both hands against the back of the sofa I spread my thighs and arch my back. The silver necklace around my neck shimmering wildly in the glow of the fire as I look over my shoulder and moan… “F*ck me Daddy… f*ck me… like you mean it…” Your control snaps and you rise up on the sofa behind me… grabbing my hips. I shudder as I lean back toward you… enjoying the way you feel against me. You place kisses against the back of my neck… sliding your tongue between my shoulder blades… and it feels like an electric current to my clit… “Mmm…” I moan. You dip the head of your dick into my center… soaking it before gently rubbing it over my clit. My body turns to liquid heat as a flood gushes over you… moaning I rise up on my knees and press my back against your breasts… the weight of your dick nestled between the twin globes of my ass… causing me to rock against you and whisper… “I need you inside of me…”
You growl leaning me forward… my hands again gripping the back of the sofa. Leaning all the way forward my body tenses as I feel the first gentle push of the head of your dick against the wet folds of my pussy… “Daddy… please…” I moan thickly… impatient. Slowly… slowly you invade me… the walls of my pussy greedily soaking you in… “Deeper Bae?” you ask quietly… patient “Mmmm… yes deeper… deeper Daddy…” I pant back as you slowly slide in… slowly until I am filled with you and your body is flush against mine… “Ok?” you ask as my body starts to shiver… pussy lips throbbing around you… “Mmm…” I moan as slowly… slowly… you gently slide out of my pussy… slippery and wet.
You grab my hips and lean into your next thrust… a long slow roll… that makes my pussy weep with longing… “Harder Bae?” you ask quietly… concerned. “Mmmm… harder… harder Daddy…” I pant back as you slide in… on a long slow stroke until I am filled with you and your body is flush against mine… “Ok?” you ask as my body shivers again… pussy lips throbbing around you… “Mmm…” I moan as slowly… slowly… you gently slide out of my pussy… heated and wet.
I throw my head back body stretched taut as my back arches and my thighs quiver in excitement… you press against me and lean into your next thrust… a long slow roll… that makes my pussy throb with expectation… “Faster Bae?” you ask hungry “Mmmm… faster… faster Daddy…” I pant back out of breath as you slide in… on a long hard stroke filling me with you while your body is flush against mine… “Ok?” you ask… my body shivering as you pull back… pussy lips throbbing around you… “Mmm…” I moan still breathless as you quickly slam back into me… and suddenly you are sliding in and out of my pussy… in a new rhythm that makes my pussy clench around you… on fire.
In and out… your body slams into mine over… and over again… your dick rubbing the walls of my pussy into a sensitive mass of need. Sliding almost all the way out to rub on that sweet spot that drives me wild… “Damn Bae…” you moan thickly… breathless “Please… f*ck me… f*ck me Daddy…” I pant back as you slide in… on a long hard stroke inside of me, body flush against mine… “Damn!” you pant pulling back… my pussy lips throbbing around you… “F*ck me Daddy…” I moan again breathless as you slam back into me… sliding in and out of my pussy… riding me in a way that makes my mind go numb…. as the pressure builds inside of me… my pussy throbs and clenches over you… tight and wet.
You sink your teeth into my neck again as you slam back into me… and I ride it out… wave after wave of dark heat as my pussy greedily throbs around your dick. In… and out… harder… deeper… faster… pushing against my inner walls… rubbing against that sweet spot that only you can reach. I throw my ass back… searching… searching… for that special push… the weight of your dick riding low inside of my pussy… the pressure building.
Suddenly you are gone… the sweet feeling of you inside of me replaced by emptiness as you pull away from me. “No…” I cry out in frustration turning and reaching for you. You stand before me… nostrils flaring… eyes twin pools of fire… body taut with barely held restraint. “Baby?” I pant out breathless… reaching for you. “Wait…” you snarl holding your hand out to keep me away. “Bae… just wait…” your eyes close as you fight for control, and I watch the quick and steady thump of your pulse, the rise and fall of your chest and the sweet spot on your neck as your heart races. I press flush up against your body… sliding my fingers against your cheek to cup your face. Your whole body is wound tight like a bow… eyes still closed you press your cheek against my palm and take a deep shuddering breath.
I lean in and flick my tongue over your bottom lip… quickly. Tense you lean away from me. I push in closer against you and rub my lips against yours and you sigh… “Baby… wait…” I shake my head… “No…” I whisper back… sucking on your bottom lip… and you open for me… kissing me back in a slow and hungry push that leaves me breathless and weak. This kiss goes on for what feels like hours… deep… long and hot. Your arms around me… my fingers slide in your hair… the strap nestled between my thighs and I rock against you… this woman who fits me so well.
I step back and push against you… “Hmmm…” you sigh leaning in… “Sit baby…” I command kissing you quickly and stepping back… “Huh?” you moan eyes open in slits… dreamy and confused. “Sit baby…” I whisper again smiling at the sexy sight of you… now calm but still turned on. The burn slowly returns to your eyes as you move toward me… with purpose. I step back again and coax you down onto the sofa. Sliding first one leg over your thighs and then the other, and suddenly we are eye to eye… breast to breast… center… to heated center. Your arms reach up to encircle me but I catch your fingers in my own and lean you back, pressing them against the sofa… “No…” I whisper as my lips slide over your neck.
“Bae…” you sigh as I press against you… my heated tongue flicking over your ear lobe… over your collar bone and pressing on that sweet spot I know you love. Your breath quickens as I rub my body against yours… feeling the subtle difference as you tense against me. You lean in against me… lips seeking mine… “Mmmm… nooo…” I moan as I press you back, sliding my lips slowly down to your breast, sliding my tongue over it… around your nipple… again… then again… then… over… sucking it gently into my mouth… rolling it around with my tongue… lips tugging on it playfully. “Baeeeee…” you growl now… mmm maybe a warning? Popping the nipple out of my mouth I lazily slide my tongue between your breasts… kissing you there. “NO.” I growl back… my voice steady and firm.
Your head falls back against the cushions as I pay homage to your breast…. sliding my tongue over it… around your nipple… again… then again… then… over it… sucking it gently into my mouth… rolling it around with my tongue… lips tugging on it playfully. “Baby!” you pant urgently, rolling your hips against mine. “Mmmm…” I moan as I shift and suddenly you are deep inside of me… “Ohhhhh!” I cry out against you overwhelmed by the feeling of you deep inside of me. I raise myself up… and come back down on it.. up… and down… rolling my hips against yours. You flex your hips against me… up and… down in long and steady strokes that flood me with heat.
“Ooooh… YES!!!” I pant as my pussy throbs… pressure building… I slide up and down… “Damn!” you growl as we grind against each other… one hard push again and again… thrusting … stroking the inside of my body… with silky heat. Your body flush against mine… “Damn!” you pant again… “Damn Bae…” pushing against me in a fast and hard rhythm. My pussy throbs around you… “YES Daddy…Yes!!!” I moan again breathless… sliding you in and out of my pussy… riding you in a way that makes my mind go numb…. the pressure building inside of me again as my pussy clenches. My heart skips a beat… my breath catches… my eyes go dark as a long… hard wave of orgasm washes over my body and takes me over… and I ride you… hair now fisted in your hair in a rush of excitement as my honey washes over you in long and hot gushes… soaking both of us in a heated river of orgasm so sharp it’s painful.
“Oh God Daddy… YESSSSSS…. Yes Daddy… YESSSS!” I scream as you rock your body against me slamming into me again and again… over and over in hard… wet… deep strokes. I lean against you exhausted… my body spent… but continue to ride you… grinding my hips back and forth against you… My pussy throbbing around you, each new push an indescribable blend of pleasure and pain. My mind goes completely dark… as I am bathed in sensation. A new pressure starts to build and your body bucks underneath me… “Mmm… I can’t…. Baby I can’t …” you pant … body shuddering violently… “Shhhh… take it… Baby… take it…” I groan… teeth grazing the tender flesh of your shoulder.
“Oh God… Oh God… Oh GOD!!!” You moan as you rub against that tender spot deep inside my pussy and shatter into a thousand little pieces… “F*CK!” You scream as you press your body against me… your body rocking against me in long hard shudders… “Mmmmm” I sigh my bones like jelly… little aftershocks pulsing through my system. I lay draped over you… breath coming in short staggered bursts. I press a wet open mouthed kiss on your shoulder and you rock against me in response… “Mmmm…” I sigh again as my pussy throbs around you still nestled deep inside of me. You raise your arms to embrace me and I groan “Don’t move…” into your ear.
“Ooooh… “I moan as I slide you all the way out of me. My body instantly missing the new way you filled me up. You shift slightly against me… “Don’t move…” I order again… my voice hoarse with intent…. “Mmmm..” I moan as I slide down your body rocking against you. Damn… you feel good… sooooo….. GOOD. I press my lips against yours in a long hot kiss that makes me throb…you sigh as I sweep my tongue over the lips of your swollen pussy. My tongue samples you… flicking over your clit in lightning fast strokes that cause your entire body to tense and buck beneath me. I grip your hips and command heatedly…“Don’t… MOVE!” Damn my babe is excited.
Suddenly you pull me up grabbing my arms and roll your body over mine. Kissing me hungrily till I’m mindless with wanting you. Then you slide down to my center and roughly push my thighs open and I hold my breath as you slide your tongue inside of me… rubbing deep against that sweet spot you know so well… “Daddy…” I moan tightly… as you press your lips against me. “Oh God…” I gasp as your lips wrap around my clit… and I feel it again… that familiar pressure building deep inside. I moan long and loud as new sensation grip me. My body shuddering violently as I moan… and moan… and moan. Riding the rise and fall of another earth shattering orgasm… “Yes… yes… ohhhhhh God yessssssss!!!” I scream as my pussy gushes in spasms of breath taking release. You moan against me…. the vibration against my skin and the sound of my love passionate and feral, sending me over the edge in another wave of mind bending bliss.
Your breath glides over my skin as you catch your breath and I melt into the sofa cushions… boneless. You wrap your arms around me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I lay in your arms content… and at peace. This is where I belong. I reach for you… I want you… all of you… just you… against me. You press your full body against mine… and my mind goes dark again. I wrap my legs around your waist and roll my hips against yours. “Mmmm…” you sigh… looking at me through half closed eyes. I slide my finger down between us and dip it between our thighs… slowly sliding into the heated folds of your pussy… mine throbbing in response to the extreme wetness waiting for me… “Mmmm…” you sigh again… Yes. This is going to be a long night.
The Angels met in a quiet corner of Heaven… tensions were high… spirits… low. God was in his Church again… there were no obvious sounds of movement or work to be heard, just silence. The Angels looked down upon Earth and whispered among themselves… hearts heavy… for they knew the Father’s burdens were many. At daylight God set about the task of prayer… answering them, he sat quietly kneeling at the altar of creation, listening to his children, lips moving in silent communion as he toiled away with the burdens of humanity.
A man dressed quickly for an interview… nervous, anxious. As he raced out of the house he sent up a prayer, “Please God, let me get this job. Please God…” and God heard him. He listened to the plea in the man’s heart… the sound of his stresses… these were lean times. A fancy home in foreclosure, two cars in the garage unpaid for, a non-stop stream of letters and phone calls from demanding creditors and no money in the bank. “Please God, let me get this job. Please God…” he prayed as he made his way home… hopeful, optimistic. “Please God…” and God heard him… and said “No.”
Five months after he lost his home, finally finding a job as a laborer to survive… “WHY!?” he railed at Heaven… the pain of his losses overwhelming him. Falling to his knees “WHY!?” He raged at God… the measure of his failures crippling him. “When I needed you, you let me fall.” God kneeled before him, “My Child… your losses are your own doing… there was no love for me in your successes. Do you love me now when you have branded yourself a failure? The truest measure of a man is not in pretty things or in feeling accomplished. The truest measure of a man is the life he chooses to live… being good… faithful… loyal… honest. This is the man I see before me. There was no love for me during your brightest days… tell me… do you love me now in the darkness?” God waited with his arms outstretched… and the man fell into his embrace reborn.
She walked slowly up a dirty street toward the waiting car. It was late… early though for her and the other girls… little girls lost. She sat in the passenger’s seat… prepared for the usual haggle, “I’ll give you 50…” As the car rolled to a stop she scanned their location… a darkened section of the park, one she’d used before. “Fine…” she sighed as they exited the car. When she reached out to him his hand wrapped around her throat, “Not so fast…” and the first blow threw her to the ground. White hot pain hit her when he kicked her side… again… again… and again, she prayed… “Please God, make it stop. Please God…” and God heard her. As she lay on the ground she thought about the life she’d left behind… a mother that was too strict, a father that was too busy, a brother that was too silly, a house that was too quiet and a room that was too… (what?). Tears streaming down her face, she couldn’t recall what her problem had been with that room. All she remembered was a life she walked out on… a life she couldn’t go back to. “Please God… make it stop. Please God…” and God heard her and said “No.”
She watched her little girl race across the playground. Her heart full of determination… yet afraid to pray… afraid to ask a God that had left her in chaos for far too long for guidance. “What do I do? What do I do?” she whispered over and over again… a pained cry echoing throughout the far corners of Heaven, “What do I do now?” God sat beside her, “You know what to do. I’ve been with you every step of the way. Your pain was my pain. Your parents could not protect you from a life of which they knew nothing. They catered to you and wrapped you in love as only parents can, and yet you left them. You had no fear of the unknown.” He watched her daughter laugh bathed in sunlight… “Your fear is my fear. Do you see that little girl? She will know to fear the darkness. She will live a life compassionate to others… and she will not judge simply because… YOU are her mother. You will guide her… in ways your parents could not guide you…” Slowly he took her hand and they sat quietly side by side… and FINALLY she was at peace… “Everything you have sacrificed… every hurt you endured… were lessons necessary to give her a full and honest life in a world filled with predators. You looked into the face of evil… evil looked back and you SURVIVED. A gift… and so…you will protect her… and know in moments when you can’t… I will.”
A young man sat in church surrounded by a congregation he’d known his entire life… family. He bowed his head and yearned for salvation from a life of sin… the life he’d been living. He needed to be born again… to accept God in a way that would banish the lustful thoughts that corrupted him. “Please God; save me from homosexuality… make me straight Lord. Please God…” Every morning he awoke to a life he didn’t ask for. He loved a man in the way he should love a woman. His spirit filled with lustful thoughts… his sheets warm from the evidence of their intimacy… evil. He gave his heart to this man, he gave his body to him… but his life belonged to God. He knew if he prayed hard enough he would find it… salvation. Freedom from the perverted life he couldn’t seem to keep from living. “Please God, save me from homosexuality… make me straight Lord. Please God, make me straight” and God heard him… and said “No.”
“My child…” God sighed… long and deep. The young man refused to look at him, his shame was so great. “Look upon my face …” God commanded. As he lifted his eyes and finally took in the Creator… he was startled to see it was his own face that looked back at him… on fire with Heaven’s light. “I cannot make straight… what should have NEVER… been bent. While the stress of your shame has certainly made you bend… as your Father I am proud to say… you have remained unbroken. Your love is neither evil nor wrong. You do no harm loving this man. Know now… you are created in MY very own image and I hand crafted him…just for YOU. He is your twin flame, and his face also reflects the face of Creation. Whenever I walk among you… I am pleased. I created no ‘perverts’ I see no ‘homosexuals’ and I make NO mistakes. I see my sons… I see my daughters… and I love you, every… single… one. There was never a need for salvation. It is your ability to give love… and receive love… that saves… ME.”
God returned to Heaven determined… exhausted… and deep in thought. Daylight would come again soon enough… and when it did… he would say… “Yes.”