Ranting & Raving
Get over yourself…
(originally posted 4/11/11)
Why do so many women think the one they are with will change into the one they SHOULD be with? Why do they give constant attention, excuses and chances to people who do them dirty, treat them like crap, use, abuse and cheat on them?
Almost every woman has a list of qualities they would like or may even NEED in a partner… YET the people they end up with are NOTHING like this list. I understand thinking you want one thing and then realizing you want something else… but who wakes up suddenly realizing they like getting punched in the face, cheated on, disrespected or ignored?
We spend so much time complaining about the ones we CHOOSE to be with… under some misguided idea that if its worth having its worth working for. First these people ARE NOT worth having and second when its real love doesn’t hurt.
So many of you b*tch and moan about “I just want a girl who is…”
REAL
KEEPS SHYT 100
HONEST
MATURE
GOT HER ‘ISH’ TOGETHER
Blah… blah… blah….
The sad reality is most people can’t handle this type of woman. Here is some truth for you:
Any woman that is REAL has responsibilities and obligations. What this means people is there will be occasions when spending time with you…. or stroking your ego will have to take a back burner to: going to work, changing the baby or driving her Mama to the bank.
Any woman that ‘keeps shyt 100’ will eventually say things YOU… will not want to hear. She speaks her mind… you will not agree on EVERYTHING.
Any woman that is honest? AGAIN…. Will eventually say things YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR. The truth can hurt. It’s your job to grow a pair and be willing and able to listen.
Any woman that is mature, just IS!!!! She is serious when she needs to be and knows there is a fine line between being classy and over the top. She is always respectful and able to admit when YOU ARE RIGHT, (rare though it may be :-p) She is not INSANE and fully capable of owning her sense of self. She has a life SEPARATE from YOU!!!! The ‘WE’ thing in a relationship is necessary but both parties need to acknowledge the ‘ME’ thing is in equal measure.
Any woman that ‘has her shyt together’ understands the value of having her own. Knows what a ‘bill’ is and actually PAYS them. She respects the fact that YOU have your own, and works with you to build a strong foundation for being TOGETHER.
I think I’m on a bit of a rant… (takes a deep breath). I guess my point is this… The useless women walking this Earth don’t have a hard time reeling you in. They don’t have to work hard to get you to pay attention. They don’t have to do much of anything to get you committed. SMH…
Stop making quality women pay for the mistakes of the useless women YOU picked.
Stop complaining about the abuse you sign up for and allow.
Stop making quality women jump through hoops to prove themselves to you.
Don’t ask for things you are incapable if giving. You want a quality woman? Make sure YOU deserve her first.
LMMFAO!!!
YES!!! To those that NEVER shut the fuck up about what EVERYONE ELSE is doing!!
You know who you are!
:-*
– Nova
I live…
It’s been an interesting year for me… full of joys, hurts, laughter and tears. It’s so easy for us to fall into patterns and habits that keep us stagnant… our minds numb… our bodies immobile. No personal growth, no spiritual growth no mental advancement. Just the endless drone of a life unfulfilled.
Five years ago I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the person staring back at me. So I changed my life, became quieter, kinder, more considerate of others and a peace maker. Where in the past I was ready willing and able to help MY PEOPLE I was now ready, willing, and able to help anyone. I left my predisposition for violent tendencies in the dust… I worked on ceasing my strong propensity to REACT in a major way… and I decided to… just BE HAPPY.
Interesting… when folks ask, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” MY answer is always “Depends on whether you’re thirsty or not.” Some brand my lack of that CLASSIC ‘half full’ answer as PESSIMISM.
When I assess a situation and give a REALISTIC perspective… one derived from taking into consideration: the people, the behaviors, the patterns and the histories involved… the lack of a HOPEFUL warm and fuzzy response (given the afore-mentioned parameters) gets me labeled NEGATIVE.
Actually taking time to THINK about life, a future, and a plan… has people thinking I am not spontaneous and ‘too serious’.
Stepping out on faith in my world is a communion with my God and Myself… He knows my heart, he lives in my spirit and he knows the outcome of all things. I am aware blessings come on God’s time… I pray for the wisdom to see them… I pray for the strength to meet the challenges they may pose and I pray for the good sense to appreciate them. Sometimes when we pray… the best answer God gives us is… “NO!”… hard to swallow and harder to understand… but still a blessing in its own right.
There will always be someone judging you. Whether you drink, smoke, or sex your life away… whether you are a size zero or a size 32… whether you are black, white, yellow or red… male or female… gay, bi, bi-curious, or straight… none of it matters… none of it validates you. There will ALWAYS be an empty person who has chosen to sit on a high horse they have built for themselves… that will pass precious time (they will never get back) on all of those IRRELEVANT judgments of YOU.
Last night my mother asked me… “If you looked back on this year… would you be satisfied? Did you appreciate your blessings? Were you good to people? Were you good to the ones you love best? Has this been time well spent? Are you at peace with the woman you’ve become? Are you proud of the life you have built? Are you at peace with the life you have lived?
My answer to Dear old MOM…
2013? Hmmm… the places I’ve been:
- Winston-Salem NC
- Ashville NC
- Atlantic City NJ
- Philadelphia PA
- Cleveland OH
- Aruba
- Grand Cayman
- Limon Costa Rica
- Cartagena Columbia
- Panama
My Personal Failures:
- I’ve been lied to
- Had my heart broken
- Been disrespected
- Set up for humiliation
- Experienced the death of important friendships
- Learned the terms ‘FRIEND’ and ‘LOVE’ can be made profane
My Personal Successes:
- I’ve lost 64 lbs. (and still going)
- Gone Parasailing
- Gone White Water Rafting
- Signed up for my course study (classes start in November) to become a Certified:
- Life Coach
- Business Coach
- Relationship/Bereavement Coach
- Made great new friends
- Gotten a promotion at work
- Re-launched my blog
- Participated in the NYC AIDS WALK
- Fallen in love
The things I’ve planned:
- Sky Diving
- Kayaking
- River Tubing
- Zip Lining
- Re-Launch of my online magazine
- Finish the BOOK I’m writing
- Work with Habitat for Humanity
- Finish Credit Repair
- Move (hopefully buying a house looking into it now)
- Become Certified Life Coach
- Go to London, Paris, Amsterdam
- Sign up for culinary courses
Seriously? I’ve come a long way from the person I was and I struggle to be the woman God intended. I struggle… every day. I’ve mourned my losses… I grieve… and I hold my blessings close… saturate myself in them and appreciate them.
Perfection is DIVINE. I am a reflection of my God… flawed, gifted, and beautiful… and Baby… I’LL NEVER BE PERFECT.
We only have one life to live… this is mine.
– Nova
Still Learning…
As women we tend to take on the battles of our loved ones as though they are our own. The need to nurture and protect that comes naturally to us is exposed to everyone… Nature’s worst kept secret.
As a result we are left open and vulnerable to the ones we care for. We listen as they tell us personal horror stories about things ‘done’ to them. We become offended on their behalf. Anger is bred where there was none before and then it begins… the urge to defend and protect. Making it easy to get wrapped up in a loved one’s drama…
“I can’t believe you think that about my friend…”
“Don’t mess with my man…”
“She had no reason to do this…”
“He had no right to say that…”
“They come for you… they have to go through me first…”
Funny how the very LAST thing to occur to us is what our loved one may have done to bring the events upon themselves.
What kind of Karma have they earned?
What type of person is this individual outside of the persona they have built for us?
What type of person is this individual outside of the bubble we have built for them?
How do they treat men?
Do they have respect for women?
Do they play nice with others?
Does doing the right thing ever occur to them?
Is he really that oblivious?
Is she really evil deep down in her spirit?
Are they just that clueless?
Which face… which act… is the REAL face… the GENUINE act?
Defending those we love is the easiest thing in the world… it comes naturally.
That defense puts all of our energy into keeping the perceived danger at bay…
Slapping down the immediate threat…
Squashing anyone who would dare insult, ridicule, hurt, or harm someone we care for…
Leaving us open to whatever harm may be directed at us… from the very person we are working to protect.
I can spend time trying to figure out if some people I’ve invested in are the walking embodiment of EVIL… instead I choose to shrug and say… “I refuse to step into the void with you.”
An Unknown Author wrote: Isn’t it ironic? We IGNORE those who adore us… ADORE those who ignore us…. HURT those who love us… and LOVE those who hurt us.
Is this really the secret nature of people? I’m confused.
The concept of: ‘treating others the way you wish to be treated…’ is that real? Or BS someone came up with to sell a T-Shirt?
The ideal of: ‘Say what you mean… and mean what you say…’ a personal truth or just a catchy turn of phrase?
Allan Roberts said: “You always hurt the one you love”
A variation of the American Wiccan Rede; “Do what you will… so long as it harms none”
We all grew up hearing the story about the wolf in sheep’s clothing…
What they didn’t tell us:
That wolf is just passing through… and will move on after its meal. The REAL danger comes from the familiar… the KNOWN not the UNKNOWN. The long term damage will always come from our fellow sheep. I guess part of being a grown up is learning to be watchful for the wolf… and separate yourself from the sheep.
It’s amazing how the word ‘friendship’ can mean so many different things to so many different people. We don’t want to seem pessimistic by running around telling everyone to watch their backs yet I’ve learned four simple truths:
1 The one that is quick to point out how negative someone else is… is secretly the most negative person in the room.
2 The one constantly questioning your motives… is usually the one doing the dirt.
3 The one everyone begs you to stay away from… is probably the one you need to RUN AWAY from.
4 The one quick to point out a flaw in another person…”too short… too dark… too fat… too ugly…” is usually the one with the least amount of love for themselves.
As humans we tend to forget that everyone’s life path is their own. While we can walk with them… view their progress from the sidelines or leave them to their journey… we should but rarely remember our path is our own.
Choosing to walk with a loved one does not make THEIR destination YOUR destination.
Choosing to walk with a loved one does not mean the lessons designed for THEM must be learned by YOU.
Choosing to walk with a loved one does not make YOU valuable or necessary in THEIR life.
Not all offers of friendship are genuine.
Apparently for some… they hurt the ones they love… AND the ones they don’t give a fuck about IN EQUAL MEASURE.
Does it really matter which one you are to them?
Some just have a NEED to BE hurtful…
Some reel you in… inspired to wreck havoc on your life and on your peace of mind….
I have no interest in being a victim.
I’ll figure it out…
The world is full of predators.
What does it take to recognize this in a person?
*shrugs*
I’m STILL learning…
– Nova
I Got Over Myself…
(Response to my ‘Get Over Yourself’ posted 4/11/11’)
So I said:
• Stop making quality women pay for the mistakes of the useless women YOU picked.
• Stop complaining about the abuse you sign up for and allow.
• Stop making quality women jump through hoops to prove themselves to you. Don’t ask for things you are incapable of giving.
You want a quality woman? Make sure YOU deserve her first.
Yet I here is what I did… more than once.
• I viewed women of questionable character favorably because I cared about them. Their actual quality played no part… some were rubbish… others corn fed how fabulous they were by other women for so long they believe it and expect you to fall in line… no matter what they say or do to you… no matter how they treat YOU.
• While I didn’t complain about the abuses I signed up for and allowed, I held onto to them… marinated in them for a bit and let them change me and my view of people… my view of love.
• I’ve never made anyone jump through hoops… either it worked… or it didn’t. No more no less… but I allowed others to put those hoops before me, and yes… like a trained dog I jumped. Silly me.
I have my list of qualifiers for love and relationships just like anyone else. I need a quality woman… and I put in the work to deserve her. The trouble is… I no longer believe she exists. I used to view love objectively glass half full and half empty because it really is BOTH. Now? I’d rather go swimming. Keep that glass altogether.
Someone told me yesterday they can’t wait for the day someone sweeps me off my feet… the truth is I’ve always done the sweeping… and now I’m done. I’ve been wooed… and WELL… flowers… candy… edible arrangements… poetry… love songs… gifts… EFFORT; I’ve even had a star named after me. I’ve been with women who thought I was intimidating… amazing… beautiful… wonderful… sh*t I’ve been LOVED and LOVED WELL.
I’ve given as good as I got in equal measure… but sometimes things just don’t work.
So many women are sitting around looking for ‘Ms. Right’ or settling for ‘Ms. Right Now’… truthfully I don’t care anymore. There is so much more to life than the person who warms your bed. I’m dating… playing the ‘getting to know you game’… and hopeful about love… I just don’t have faith in it anymore.
People value the wrong things… they covet the wrong things… and they make permanent decisions based on those wrong things. I’m guilty… I’ve done it… so no judgments here. I just choose to live differently from now on. I want peace of mind… so I’m living my life. I just want to be happy… so I’m doing it FOR MYSELF.
We need to love ourselves completely… the good the bad and the ugly… before we can give love to someone else in a healthy way. I embrace my good… I’m working on my bad… I acknowledge and respect the ugly because… ‘it just be like that sometimes’… I’m loving ME.
It’s the easiest thing in the world to blame the other person when things fall apart… I accept the role I chose to play in every bad situation. In the end… we give people the power to hurt us. I made the decision to give it… and now I’ve made the decision to take it back.
My heart is my own. Mine… to love my loves the best way I know how. God gave me a lot of love to give… I do both him and myself a disservice by giving it freely and in abundance to people who neither want it… or give it proper value.
I’ve said “I’ve been bent but not broken”… People talk about heart break all the time… but my heart wasn’t broken… it was ripped open… and I had to heal around that wound. It was a slow painful process but I am healed.
I have LOVED… real… ‘Mind bending… can’t eat … can’t sleep… she’s the most amazing thing in creation… need to put her needs first’ LOVE.
I fight for the ones I love… I protect them… even from themselves.
I’ve been loved and WELL but… I’ve never been loved LIKE THAT.
When someone will love me like that… then I will pay attention…
I will thank God for her every day and I will move both Heaven and Earth to make sure she is safe and happy…
I will make the decision EVERY DAY… to choose HER.
Until then… until someone CHOOSES to give ME that kind of love… I choose LIFE.
*shrugs* “It just be like that sometimes.”
– Nova
She’s FAT!
We live in a world where appearances matter… from your skin color… to your hairstyle… your height and most definitely you weight. My hips and thighs grew bigger as I got older… listening to the constant nag nag nag of a Haitian mother telling me things like:
“Oh My God… you’re too FAT!”
“Man… when are you going to lose some weight!?”
“Oh come on… the fat makes you UGLY!”
“Sam… you are too BIG…”
*Shrugs* and all of this before the age of 18… daily… FOR YEARS. Growing up in a household like this one you develop a thicker skin EARLY.
“I’m not losing weight because YOU want me to!”
“I’m beautiful ANYWAY!”
SMH some develop serious body image issues… oh no…not me… I just developed a mental block. I was fat… but I was fine. My yearly physicals were always great, my quality of life wasn’t hindered blah blah blah… no real incentive to CHANGE anything.
September 2012 THAT changed.
My doctor happily reported SEVERAL different problems directly related to my having a fat azz. So I took a month to decide what I wanted to do. In October I started forming a plan to change my life… I am going to lose weight. My doctor’s goal… 100 lbs (which to me sounded unrealistic at the time). You have to take into consideration I was the HEAVIEST I’ve ever been n she wanted me to lose 100lbs? My big booty was never a hindrance to anything other than Gym class growing up. I was fully developed and shaped like a 25 year old by the time I was 13. I hated running because of all of the bouncing involved…but I hated JUMPING more…needless to say if it didn’t involve swimming or riding my bike? I was not interested.
100lbs… I had to really sit myself down and wrap my head around this number. Could I do it? (No Way). Should I do it? (Most definitely) So I started the process.
Going over my dating history I knew the extra pounds were a deterrent for some. A big ol azz is not necessarily a PREFERENCE, but… do I want those people in my life anyway? Growing up I was pretty much left to my own devices… no one monitored my eating habits. When the weight was officially out of hand I was badgered daily with the warm and fuzzy sentiments above. People still found me attractive (male and female)… and I believe I was 23 the very FIRST time someone used my weight to be insulting (to my face anyway). I learned early that I had to see and appreciate MY beauty (rolls and all) because the rest of the world probably wouldn’t.
So I started the process… I’ve even set a personal goal of 129lbs… I’m working on it… 35lbs down as of last week… and in the midst of coming to terms with the extra pounds I’ve been dragging around all these years I hear from a person that inspires LOVE in ME…”You are beautiful… you are amazing… you are everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman… but I could never be with you because of the weight. I found you attractive… I tried it… I’m not shallow… it’s just a preference. I love you… you’re an amazing person… but I can’t do it. Honestly? 100lbs is not enough for me… 129lbs would probably still not be enough.”
*sigh* We teach our daughters that ‘Happily Ever After’ exists… Little girls are spoon fed ‘Love Conquers All’ practically from the womb… What do you do to prepare a woman for something like that? It’s body fat… not the end of the world. So a woman that believes her pussy is mass transit ‘everybody get’s a ride’ can inspire a deep abiding love? A woman that repeatedly disrespects you… can inspire an urge to COMMIT yourself to her… even though she’s made it clear… that you inspire no such urge in her? A woman that sabotages you… whenever she sees you making any form of progress that does not involve her… that woman? She’s the object of your devotion? The source for your affection? Oh wait… she’s not fat. OK.
When the truth was finally starting to come out I flipped out. A lover… someone I loved… someone whose opinion actually MATTERED to me… found me repulsive… because of this weight. Weight I had already decided to get rid of… weight I was actively shedding. How ironic is that? Frustrating… *sigh* ironic nonetheless. I still love her… I hate her guts (a small part of me probably always will) but she’s a good person, deserving of all of those things she wants in her life… including a size 0 bed buddy… so I’ll get it over it.
I keep this sign above my monitor at work “Lord Help Me the Devil wants me FAT!” and I think it would be soooo easy to fall into old patterns, but I won’t… because I started losing the weight for myself… not for her. I don’t think getting on the scale will ever be the same. Something that wasn’t torn before is in shreds in the background and while I forgive HER (for her foolishness) I’ll never forgive that. A person’s sense of self-worth is a deceptively fragile thing. She’s no size 0 herself… honestly the biggest woman I’ve been with to date… yet HER weight was NEVER an issue for me. I wanted the woman… WHO CARES ABOUT WEIGHT? Maybe her size was an issue for her? I don’t know… *shrugs* it’s irrelevant now though.
Stuff like this messes with your mental… I’m not one for coulda, woulda, shoulda… it just.. ‘is what it is’. It feels like the ones you trust the most… the ones you love the most… and the ones you would do anything to make happy… are usually the ones who end up f*cking you over. I’m still on my weight loss journey. Still working out like a beast and eating right. I don’t think people realize the permanent marks they leave on a person’s spirit. The long term, far reaching impact their actions have on a person’s life… the paths they choose to take and the person they’ll ultimatly become BECAUSE of the things you said or did. I’m beautiful.
I’m BEAUTIFUL… and I’m fat.
Being a woman… body image can wreak havoc on the psyche. You want your lovers to think you are awesome and amazing and desirable. You want to inspire… passion and lusty thoughts in them. You don’t want to hear “It was a problem for me. For ME… it’s my problem not yours, I was attracted to you, I tried… I enjoyed you… rolls and all… I just can’t do it.” How does one respond to that? She’s entitled to her opinion… she’s entitled to her preferences… she’s entitled to want and feel and admire and be passionate about whatever it is she wants out of life… but setting fire to another person’s sense of self-worth even involuntarily… is no bueno.
I freely admit I had to drag all of this out of her… I felt I had to… since it was the culmination of a couple of months’ worth of side comments and then blatant indifference. I want her to be happy… so I forgive her. That forgiveness doesn’t make the experience any less damaging. In the end I walk away and acknowledge that while she gave it the ‘old college try’… there are hundreds who DON’T… and thousands who WON’T.
She’s fat… NEXT!
How many times? How many opportunities skipped right by me… work, adventures, love?
She’s FAT! NEXT!
How many times has this issue… this major issue… been the deciding factor for someone/something?
SHE’S FAT!!!! NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXT!
*shrugs* I’m not beaten by it… just trying to make sure I learn the right lesson.
We live in a world where appearances matter… from your skin color… to your hairstyle… your height and most definitely you weight. My hips and thighs grew bigger as I got older… listening to the constant nag nag nag of a Haitian mother telling me things like:
“Oh My God… you’re too FAT!”
“Man… when are you going to lose weight!?”
“Oh come on… the fat makes you UGLY!”
“Sam… you are too BIG…”
*Shrugs* and all of this before the age of 18… daily… FOR YEARS. Growing up in a household like this you HAVE TO develop a thicker skin. It is made apparent to you DAILY… until you can pack your bags and get the fuck out… that YOU as a PERSON will never be good enough AS YOU ARE.
“I’m not losing weight because YOU want me to!”
“I’m beautiful ANYWAY!”
What’s the point of giving love and affection… if it’s ultimately being weighed against YOUR WEIGHT? What’s the point of treating people well… if all you are ultimately being judged on is HOW YOU LOOK? SMH… it just seems like the ones who give respect to those they care for… just don’t get it back… but then… how could I expect an unconditioned acceptance from any LOVER… when I can’t get it from my own MOTHER?
Again… I’m just trying to make sure I learn the right lesson. I’m trying very hard not to view people as disposable as they obviously view me… *shrugs* its a work in progress. The weight I can lose and I’m working on it. However the experience has changed me… I can’t quite put my finger on what the difference is… but there is definitely a difference.
I’m not bitter, or angry, or holding a grudge ‘hey… you like what you like’ right? She’s an awesome and amazing person and she’s taught me alot about myself and my capacity to love. I want nothing but happiness for her in all things. However I believe falling for someone who could view my value to them… THIS way… says more about me… (something very WRONG with ME) than it does about her (and whatever her problem happens to be). Yet another thing for me to think about.
Something like this changes you… it would shatter most. It rocks your belief that you are loved for WHO you are as a person. I believe I’m a beautiful spirit because of… and despite of… my big ol azz… someone just as deserving of respect, loyalty and love as the last bitch. The heart wants what it wants though… * sigh*… right now… my heart just wants a vacation.
SMH… I’m not the same as I was before… and I don’t know what that means yet…
– Nova
The Sex Factor…
Live free… Live hard…
Multiple partners… Girlfriend… Threesome… Orgy… Maybe a train…
Live in the pussy… Saturate in its essence… Rub it on your face…
Clit… Tongue… Fingers… Toys… Boys… Girls…
Love… Lust… Passion… Deception…
Pain… Hot… Wet… Squirt… Cum… Orgasm…
Live free… have sex… lot’s of sex… sex with her… her… him… and her…
Live hard… living my life… doing me… doing everything I want to do…
Multiple partners… laying down… standing up… sitting… or maybe… I’ll just watch…
Girlfriend… boyfriend… friend friend… and yes… friend with benefits…
Threesome… foursome… maybe five… three on three… shit… let’s make it a party…
Orgy… I’ll take you there… she took me there… we… have been EVERY…. WHERE…
Maybe a train… I’ve done them before… she likes them… craves them… and why not…
Live in the pussy… it’s the cradle of life after all… the beginning… the end…
Saturate in its essence… it consumes me… my whole life… no need to think… no need to feel…
Rub it on my face… her juices… his juices… my juices… our juices…
Clit… hard little nub… that hot button of joy… the secret… that every pussy lives to tell…
Tongue… lick it… rub it… stick it… flick it…
Fingers… touch it… stroke it… slide them in… deeper…and deeper…
Toys… sometimes… all the time… maybe never…
Boys… one for me… one for you… one for her… to each their own…
Girls… this one… that one… another one… and another one… shit why not EVERY… ONE…
Love… never had it… drove me crazy… never wanted it… don’t need it… can’t take it… don’t know what to do with it…
Lust… all day… every day… you want her… and him… and her… I want her… and her… and him… damn… can’t I just fuck EVERY… BODY…
Passion… what’s the difference… how about… I fuck you… and never let you touch my spirit…
Deception… I don’t lie… keep things 100… gave my heart to another… swallowed my pride… and let the next one stroke my ego…
Pain… It doesn’t hurt when she makes me feel good… or maybe… its because she hurts me… it feels so good…
Hot… It’s building up… deep inside of me… is this love… a mystery… lust… denial… or just boom… dynamite…
Wet… that sweet gush of her pussy… the taste of her kiss… her tears as they fall… but nah… I’m mostly all about that pussy…
Squirt… I made her do it… over and over again… makes me horny just thinking about it…
Cum… again… and again… and… again… damn… I’m having some sex… TONIGHT…
Orgasm… amazing… life changing… mind blowing… earth shaking… body clenching… shit… we don’t need to be connected…
Live free… Live hard…
Multiple partners… Girlfriend… Threesome… Orgy… Maybe a train…
Live in the pussy… Saturate in its essence… Rub it on your face…
Clit… Tongue… Fingers… Toys… Boys… Girls…
Love… Lust… Passion… Deception…
Pain… Hot… Wet… Squirt… Cum… Orgasm…
Sex is what I live for…
How many pussies can I lick…
How many dicks can I suck…
Gotta get my numbers up… the world will end if I fuck less than 10,000 b*tches in my lifetime…
I’m a Cassanova…
A Don Juan…
A Lover…
A Giver…
I fuck better than EVERY… BODY…
What is love…
I don’t care… if no one gives a fuck about me…
I need no Attachments…
It doesn’t matter…nothing is sacred when I touch… YOU…
I don’t care… I have no importance to give… YOU…
Who cares if the one I want is open to… Any… One…
It doesn’t matter if the one I want… is open to… Every… One…
This… is what I live for…
This is all that matters…
– Nova
Good Grief…
She’s crazy smart… beautiful… makes me laugh…
She asked me “where have you been all this time?”
Funny how something good can be overlooked so easily…
She’s always been here… hiding in plain sight…
Her attitude? Just a mess…
She’s trying to get close… but I’m kinda two steps behind…
Watching… waiting… for her to reveal the face of her inner azzhole…
See… I’ve been fooled before…
Made bad choices…
Wasted time… wasted effort… wasted chances…
She says she’s been there…
“Stupid B*tches are put on this Earth as a road map pointing to all of the REAL WOMEN”
That’s her POV… that all others who came before her & showed their azzes are ‘Stupid B*tches’…
Tonight she vented…
“Look… if they’re not in your life… if there is no possibility for a friendship… its because THEY are useless. I see how you treat the ones you love…
SH*T I see how you treat folks you just LIKE!
God always weeds out the useless m*tha f*ckas in our lives, even when we’re blinded by the lies they feed us and specially when we believe they’re somethin they’re not.
In the meantime I’ll take you to the Guggenheim… I’ll drink that thievin b*tches beer…
I’ll hold you at night and sing you to sleep cause I know you love it… (and Sug… you NEEDS your sleep)…
I’ll buy you a case of your favorite wine… cut your grass… rub your back… and treat YOU like a Queen.
I’m in no hurry Bae… I know what I want out of life… Unlike these ‘Simple Minded B*tches’ out here I know a good thing when I see it.
I don’t block my blessings and I sure as Hell don’t walk away from them. I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait you for as long as you need me to… I’m a patient woman.”
And then she winked at me. WTF? Who is this person lol?
She loves my pooch… IKR such a simple thing… She pet’s him and spoils him rotten… smh sneaking him table food…
She gives the greatest kisses… has the softest lips… just mmmm…
And the BEST hugs… big… and long… and hard… like safety dipped in warm honey.
She’s perfectly imperfect… takes no sh*t from anyone, regularly puts me in my place lol and thinks I’m God’s Gift…
And I still don’t trust her…
Aside from my inner circle and family I don’t trust anyone anymore.
I’m waiting for that other shoe to drop… you know the one where she reveals she’s married, is really a man, or is wanted in 5 states?
Yeah… that shoe.
SMH… what kind of cluster f*ck is this going to turn into? SMH
– Nova
Forget me not…
I wrote this about a month ago when I was feeling kind of… well pissed off. I forgot to post this and just found it on my computer… I’m no longer in that angry place, the circumstances have just taught me that I obviously don’t read people well. I take it on faith that people mean what they say and I need to be more careful about the people I invite into my life. I was naïve… stupid really. Totally my fault… but this pretty much still applies, especially the last few lines.
**************************************
Please forget me…
For every woman You’ve dated… adored… and treated You like garbage…
For that woman You gave your heart to…the one You can’t get over… the one that was a bit of an asshole…
You say…
“I’ve been neglected, abused, and mistreated…I bring a lot to the table…”
I’m a sweetheart… I’m a catch… ”
Take a moment to acknowledge some simple life truths…
For some unfortunate women in the world… YOU are that one… the one handing out trash…
For some unfortunate women in the world… YOU are that ASSHOLE…
Random phone calls, emails, texts in moments when You aren’t being entertained… when the object of Your affection is callous…
No bueno…
Forget me not? Just… forget me.
There are those that bring nothing to the table … and still manage to give more than You…
You walk around cocky… prideful… and with no consideration or care for someone else’s hurts…
Bask in the glow ‘Precious’… but remember that age old adage “You reap everything you sow…”
Pretending to be someone You aren’t..
Treating a handful of people well…
Doesn’t make you a good person.
Take a long look in a mirror… and think about the ones long gone… the ones who believed in You… appreciated YOU as a person…
Reciprocity… NO. They were discarded… You disposed of them… like used toilette tissue.
Forget me not? Please… forget me.
It’s not OK to waste another person’s time… it’s NEVER OK to use someone to make You feel good…
“It’s Your birthday? So what.
You need some help? Eat sh*t.
You’re having a bad day? Go f*ck Yourself.
I am so sorry I’m not worthy of Your self proclaimed GREATNESS.
Perhaps You could take a moment to step down off of that unreasonably high pedestal You’ve built…
Choosing not to return a phone call, or an email… or a text message… because You’re too much of a PUSSY to say…
“Hey… I’m kinda done with you… I don’t wanna be friends… I was never serious about being friends…”
or… “I’m just not interested…”
Doesn’t erase Your shitty behavior…
Doesn’t change who You’ve revealed Yourself to be…
Forget me not? No…please… forget me.
I’ll volunteer some of my simple truths…
Even though YOU think You’re awesome…
Even though everyone currently in Your life may think You are a great…
The fact that I believe You are a Piece of Shit Person… means YOU are a Piece of Shit Person…
Because YOU are a Piece of Shit… TO ME.
That’s YOUR legacy… GOOD JOB.
Funny… out of everyone I’ve ever met…
Man… Woman… Frog…
You are by far the biggest disappointment… a User… Manipulator and a Common Thief…
My biggest failing…a terrible judgment of character on my part… You’re a vampire…
In the end just like a man… Worse actually … just DISGUSTING.
Like a brain addled addict in rehab… I’m taking the necessary steps…
Ignore, Block, Delete, Number change…
Forget me not? Please… Please… Please.. forget me.
For my part…
I WISH I’D NEVER MET YOU.
– Nova CSA
What really grinds my gears…
It never fails… disagree with someone and their point of view on
Religion…
Politics…
Sex…
Or even FOOD and you can be sure…
The conversation will go down in flames.
Seemingly normal, intelligent people turn
Combative…
Abusive…
And the expression of their point of view turns insulting.
If you are incapable of having a grown-up, intelligent conversation about any of the afore mentioned topics…
Without turning into a bully…
STOP YOURSELF!
Go sit down… and let the grown folks talk.
-NovaCSA
