The Writing

The Big ‘O’

O

Sex is like a dream…

Sometimes quiet and peaceful…

Other times restless and seeking…

I’ve awakened pleased and energized…

Aching and wanting…

Satisfied?

Perhaps.

 

She is like a dream…

Sometimes silent and lovely…

Other times demanding and unrelenting…

I’ve awakened joyful and expectant…

Aching and wanting… more.

Satisfied?

Most definitely.

 

– Nova

 

The sh*t she says lmao…

Plan B…

plan b

You know how you have an idea of what your life is supposed to be? I wanted to buy a house, go to culinary school, get married, have babies, open a restaurant and finish one of the 7 books I’ve started writing. Yet somehow I’ve ended up a semi corporate drone, an ANALYST of all things finding and saving money for someone else. Curious turn of events…

You know since I came out I’ve had nothing but one man after another in my face. I have relatives trying to ‘fix me up’, just a mess.

I was at the movies with a ‘Stud’ friend standing on line to get popcorn and the second she steps out of line to answer her cell the guy behind me whispers “you’re cute… “

I was at baseball game with a ‘TomBoi’ friend and the man she was sitting next to kept winking at me over her shoulder… and every time she got up he had something to say (and given the fact that the game was HOURS long he had a LONG time to play around smh) When ol girl got up to go get a beer he leans over and says “this your first game… she explaining things right?”  He leans over her empty seat at another point and closes his eyes and takes a long sniff at me and says “Damn… you smell good.” (Which in and of itself was hilarious because the dude sitting on the OTHER side of me said the same thing a few minutes prior). At another point when ol girl was at a bathroom run he  gets up to go do something so I politely get up to let him pass, as he slides in front of me he pauses to look me flush in the face and whispers “you are so freakin pretty… oh my God”  and shakes his head as he continues walking (LMAO). Now he was sweet, shared his peanuts with us… and was VERY chatty with her through the whole game… all the while grinning at me and WINKING over her shoulder… (too funny).

In both cases maybe we were friends…maybe we were an item, maybe we weren’t in any case THEY had no way of knowing for sure one way or the other. Every time I run into this I feel like the behavior is just… well.. weird… a lil disrespectful… but mostly… just weird.

I went out to dinner last week with an obviously aggressive  woman and the second she gets up to go to the restroom a man comes over to ‘just say hello’… clearly we are on a date. (I think hand holding at the table, the light stolen kisses and the icky icky goo goo eyes are a major tell… don’t you?)  Just disrespectful all around smh and when I stated I’m not interested… his answer? “Oh I’m sorry, just thought you’d like to have a compliment from a man” … WTF?

Honestly speaking my life would be soooo much easier if I just nodded and agreed when my ex-boyfriend called me up and suggested we ‘rekindle’.  Truth be told… I think men in general are gross and smell like a combination of feet and bologna… and I’m so serious. There is nothing appealing to me about the idea of living out the rest of my life surrounded by ‘man odor’ sweaty balls… dirty guy socks (eeeeew). Of course I know there is more to men than that but… I’m not a fan. I think they are inherently callous, grasping and disrespectful (of course I’ve just recently been educated… there are women in men’s clothing that have that in them as well IJS).  Sorry… I can’t walk the straight line… just can’t do it. *shrugs*

So I want children… I’m set on that, haven’t pinned down if I want a relationship lol but I def want children. Single lesbian + men make me nauseous = ADOPTION (ding ding ding). Now I have no interest in having a baby while single so an older child makes sense… but I’ve recently admitted with my current job… and lack of support… it’s not in the cards… and that was just devastating. Add to that new pressure at work… the great reveal of a thieving master manipulator in my life, the death of my baby kitty and a major light bulb going off regarding what I want out of life.

Its time for me to leave, I’ve lived in a 3 family house in suburbs of Hollis Queens…

A single family home with a swimming pool, circular driveway and 4 car garage on Embassy Blvd.  two different luxury apartment complexes with gym an pool in Miramar Florida…

Dyckman Street Projects and a 1 bedroom apartment on Vermilyea Ave Uptown Manhattan…

A luxury apartment complex with tennis court, onsite daycare, gym, and swimming pool in Maple Shade, a virtual hell hole apartment in Stratford, NJ… all before the age of 18.

At 19 I ran for my life… took my life into my own hands and moved to MY first apartment in West Philadelphia, 2 bedrooms, fully furnished. Damn I was excited.

At 22 I packed up my things and came back to NYC. Since then I’ve lived in a Bedstuy Brownstone, a 1 bedroom apartment on 150th  and Broadway, a luxury 2 bedroom apartment in a newly constructed 2 family home, a luxury glorified studio apartment and my current ‘ramshackle fixer upper’ in Jersey City.  My mom calls me a nomad and I tell her “I will keep moving till I find the place I’m supposed to be.”

Right now… yeah… it’s time to go again.

So I’m on Plan B Status:  Marriage, relationships? Not for me, just one disappointment after another (I don’t like being disrespected) and new friendships and romantic entanglements are a circus of disrespectful monkeys. So yeah… I’m good lol. No time for relationship BS and I have THE BEST, AWESOME and AMAZING friends… we’re always there for each other, we laugh together, cry together, hold each other up when things are bad and are each other’s personal cheer leaders (so yeah I’m spoiled… I don’t need new friends lol). Having made peace with these things… I’m actively working to rearrange my life so I can work more for myself…

I’m doing more makeup jobs… I’m a makeup artist.

I’m back to Plus Modeling… I hate runway lol.

I’m writing again… books will be finished come Hell or High-water.

I’m doing graphic arts again… and building websites.

I’ll be enrolling in culinary school… I will open that restaurant.

I will adopt my babies… and  I’ll be moving… YET again…

I’m almost in the position to buy my house… moving out of state will DEF speed that up!

Mmmm moving… I’m thinking someplace warm… maybe ATL… (I’ve never been… its on my ‘to do’ list)

Or someplace eclectic…maybe Toronto… (love… love… love it there)

Or someplace rainy… maybe Seattle… (mmmm love me some rain)

I’m still figuring things out but I’ve never been afraid to blaze my own trail. Plan B is currently brewing… and will be put into action…

To quote (well…’she’ knows who she is lol)

“Sh*t just got REAL”.

LMAO… I love it.

POW!

–          Nova

 

On relationships…

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There should be flowers… just because…

There should be touches… just for you…

There should be kisses… just for now…

There should be poetry… just so you know…

There should be wild hot monkey sex…

Well…

Do we really need a reason for wild hot monkey sex?

For O

– NovaCSA

Even when she gets on my nerves…

card

My most recent ex sent me a card… an oversized greeting card… filled with declarations of love and affection. The card was 12” wide and 24” long.

While the relationship was a roller coaster ride of chaos and the break up was messy… dramatic and painful she’s still left an impression.  In her words “I handled my business”.

SMH…

In the rare times when there was no fighting… she was a genuine sweetheart… spoiled me… and treated me like a lady.

Relationships run their course… people move on… she was the genuine article and I’m glad we’ve managed a friendship… when we get along lol. I appreciate her, even when she gets on my nerves.

Now if she and her ‘current’ could just get it together the world would be a better place :-*

She…

BlackBody-large

She’s sleeping… breath deep and slow…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Long… and low…

I lay next to her and memorize every detail of her face…

Her lips part on a sigh and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… calm and quiet… in a way she doesn’t allow herself when she’s awake…

 

She’s sleeping… breath deep and slow…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Long… and low…

I press my lips to hers imprinting the depth of my affection…

Her lips part on a moan and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… aroused and on fire… in the way that makes me moist…

 

She’s awake… clarity returns…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Long… and low…

I slide my thigh over… and shift her under… mmm you feel so good baby…

She arches her back pressing my spot against hers… and my breath catches…

I press my breasts against hers… my nipples twin peaks of pure sensation…

Forward…

Back…

Long… and low …

Her lips part on a command for more… and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… forceful and demanding… in the way that makes my secret center throb…

 

She’s awake… mmm… Daddy’s home…

Forward…

Back…

Long… and low

I glide my tongue over her collar bone… that tender spot… and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… dark… goddess… lips catching mine in a kiss that is hungry…

 

She’s awake… hands tangled in the sheets as I press my lips to her inner thigh…

Up…

Down…

Slick… and slow…

Her lips open in invitation…wet… and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… hot… spiced… my tongue rubbing her on the inside…

 

She’s awake… fingers tugging my hair… Trembling… wanting…

Up…

Down…

Slick… and slow…

I memorize her essence… my lips wrapped around her clit…… every nuance of her taste…

Her lips part on a sigh and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… aroused and on fire… in the way that makes me moist…

 

She’s alive… breath deep and slow…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Long… and low…

I suck on her clit imprinting the depth of my affection…

Her lips part on a moan and my heart…  thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… aroused and on fire… in the way that makes me moist…

 

She’s alive… out of control… unraveled…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Long… and low…

I press my lips to hers imprinting the depth of my affection…

Her lips part on a moan and my heart… thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… bathed in pure sensation… moaning… moaning…

 

She’s alive… bliss…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Long… and low…

I slide my finger into her… and shift my tongue over her… damn you taste so good baby…

She arches her back pressing her spot against my stroke… and my breath catches…

I press my tongue against her clit… hard a solitary peak of pure sensation…

Forward…

Back…

Long… and low …

Her lips part on a command for more and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… forceful and demanding… in the way that makes my secret center throb…

 

She’s alive… mmm… Daddy’s cumming…

Forward…

Back…

Long… and low

I glide my tongue over her clit … rub that tender spot… and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… dark… goddess… lips clenching around my finger in a kiss that is hungry…

 

She shatters… a million little pieces of heated rapture…

Up…

Down…

Slick… and slow…

She floods me with her bliss…wet… and my heart thumps… and thumps…

She’s beautiful… hot… spiced…

Cum again Daddy…

My tongue rubbing her on the inside…

Cum again Daddy…

I swallow her pride…

Cum again Daddy…

Her hips snap forward then back…

And when her body takes flight with a deep shuddering groan

I cum with her…

Because her JOY…

Is just that f*cking good…

 

 

– Nova CSA

Exit…

exit-signs-023

I hear her whisper in the dark… voice sullen and cold.

My eyes stay closed as I strain my ears to listen… to her every breath…

Remembering similar nights spent… counting her heartbeats.

No rhythmic thrumming on this night… our last.

“I can’t…” she begins… “I won’t” I finish.

 

Just like that… we were over.

 

I pick my way through the dark… dressing in silence.

Feel her gaze on my silhouette as I slide into my shoes… straining to see my face… maybe catch my eye…

Remembering similar nights spent… holding me close… touching my skin.

No easy sighs of bliss on this night… our last.

“Please stay…” she begins… “I’ll go” I finish.

 

Just like that… it was over.

 

I walk quickly through the house… knowing my way by heart.

Eyes burning with unshed tears… throat tight… head beginning to pound…

Remembering similar nights… when you were missed…  before you were even gone.

No separation anxiety on this night… the last.

 

I look back one last time into your home… filled with shadows both seen and unseen… then pull the door closed with a final click.

Standing outside I take in a deep breath… looking up into the night sky… I release all of the tension of the last few weeks on a long and deep sigh.

Shoulders now relaxed… tension leaving my body… lips curved into a reluctant smile…

“Finally….” I whisper to myself with a grin.

I walk toward home… hopeful and relieved… filled with the wonder of possibilities.

 

–  Nova

Tuesday’s Goodnight…

I touch her and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching her is touching me.

She feels it… her back arches tightly like a cat…

My eyes drift closed and I breathe in the scent of her… sweet… spicy… exotic.

She nestles against me… warm and inviting… and sighs.

I lay back slowly… high from her nearness… as her heart beats against mine.

She touches me and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching me is touching her.

I feel it… liquid gold between my thighs as her lips rub against mine… hot… pulsing… wet.

Her eyes drift closed as her tongue circles my nipple… mouth to breast… sucking slow… then deep.

I wrap my legs around her… drawing her closer… excited and intent…

She lay on top of me slowly… sinking into my embrace…

I touch her and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching her is touching me.

She feels it… her skin raised in goose flesh…

My eyes drift open as I glide my lips down her neck… savoring the taste of her… sweet… spicy… exotic.

She thrusts her hips against mine steadily… back and forth… a lazy rhythm that drives me wild.

I roll my hips up to meet her slowly… straining to get ever closer.

She touches me and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching me is touching her.

I revel in it… sunshine and heaven between her thighs… rub her lips slickly against mine… hot… pulsing… wet.

Her eyes flutter open as she slides her tongue across my breast… lightly nipping at my flesh… coaxing from me a low moan.

I tighten my legs around her waist… drawing her closer still… excited and intent… crying out…

She lay on top of me … slowly rising up in my embrace…

I touch her and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching her is touching me.

She feels it… her breath reduced to harsh little pants…

My eyes are heavy lidded as I slide my lips over her breast… bathing first one nipple… then the other… at first taking my time….

“Babe…” she growls… heady… and low… I gently tug her nipple into my mouth, answering the demand in her voice… drinking deep and slow.

She thrusts her hips against mine heavily… back and forth… her steady rhythm driving me wild.

I snap my hips to meet her hard and quick…

She touches me and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching me is touching her.

My body stretches taught as I grasp for relief with a long and keening cry… “Daddy please …” her liquid gold between my thighs.

“Damn”… she gasps her body moving steadily flushed with intent… she kisses me long and deep… rubbing both lips slickly against mine… hot… pulsing… wet.

Our bodies tremble as we fly over the ledge into release, in a flash that feels like dying… she holds me close… millions of stars blooming as she shudders against me in the throes of climax…

I touch her and it is electric… shocks of heat… like touching her is touching me.

She feels it… her back arches tightly like a cat…

My eyes drift closed and I breathe in the scent of her… sweet… spicy… exotic.

She nestles against me… warm and inviting… and sighs.

I lay back slowly… high from her nearness… as her heart beats against mine.

 

– Nova

Gifted…

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Heaven is quiet… night has fallen. The Angels walk softly in silent preparation. God is going for a walk. He’s donned the many faces of man… dressed in ageless street clothes… he is ready.

Deep in thought he methodically fills his pockets. The Angel’s watch his selections… curious… confident. Simple things were being selected… small items with impact enough to change the world. Tonight… God gives out his gifts.

An expectant hush falls over Heaven as the Angels gather at the gates… ready to see him off… there are souls on Earth he wishes to see…weeks… months… millennia apart. God walks through the veil of time on these visits.

The Angels sway happily as God approaches a sleeping babe. He looks down at him as he rests in his mother’s arms. There is the muffled buzz of a television in the background. Her eyes are closed as she lays next to her child… fitful… her face lined with fatigue. God leans down and kisses the little boy on the forehead before reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a pair of tiny gloves and slowly works them onto the hands of this boy. “These are made from Heaven’s Cloth… MY Gift to you. You will be a Builder… when needed… wear them… and trust that anything crafted by your hand will be strong. Trust in me and there is nothing you cannot build.”  The boy smiles in his slumber his tiny fists clenching and unclenching within the gloves. God smiles and slides the palm of his hand down the mother’s tired brow. Her face now unlined, she sighs as she visibly relaxes into a deep and peaceful slumber. As he walks away the gloves glow brightly then fade away… nestled safely within the sleeping babe’s spirit.

The Angles murmur excitedly as God approaches a young woman sitting on her sofa reading a book. She can’t see him and remains oblivious. God crouches down and rests his hand on the slight bump of her belly and smiles. From within the child kicks expectantly. The mother’s eyes widen in surprise, resting her hands around God’s on her belly. “Baby’s first kick” she exclaims excitedly. God chuckles then presses his ear against her belly… singing a tune. The child stills to listen… enveloped by the sound. “This is Heaven’s Song… MY gift to you. You will be a composer… when needed… listen… and trust that the notes echoed back to you are the soothing notes of creation. Trust in me and there is no music you cannot play.” The babe listens intently then wriggles in pleasure. God smiles and rises. As he walks away Mother and child sway in unison… she immersed in warm glow as she hums a tune that embeds itself into her unborn child’s spirit.

The Angel’s laugh as a toddler slips out of bed to head for her parent’s room and stops short at the sight of God approaching. She looks up… up… up… at him, then smiles… holding out her little arms to him, and God scoops her up with joy. He sits at the foot of her bed as she babbles to him excitedly… telling him about her day. You see they have met before. God had given her the gift of reason on a prior visit. “Heaven’s Logic… to unlock all doors that appear closed to you”.  She jumped up and down as she informed him of her many adventures. God sighs as he places a pair of little glasses over her eyes…”These are made of Heaven’s Glass… MY gift to you. Wear them and no answer will remain unknown to you. You will be a Teacher… when needed look through them… knowledge will lie before you. Trust in me and there is nothing you cannot see.” The little girl looked up at him shyly… “OK.” She answers confidently as her little fingers trace the outline of the glasses on her face. God chuckles as he moves to tuck her back in to bed. “Rest now.” He whispers as he kisses her cheek. She giggles at the scratch of his whiskers then curls on her side… her eyes drifting closed. As God quietly leaves the room… the glasses flash brightly on her face then simmer down into her spirit with a hiss.

The Angels watch fondly as a babe lay in its cradle looking up at God… waving his arms smiling excitedly as God grins picking him up and rubbing his whiskered cheek against his. They eye each other expectantly as God reaches into one of his pockets… he pulls put a long length of rope and wraps it around the baby’s fist… “This is a piece of Heave’s Rope… MY Gift to you. You will be a Finder… when needed send out the end of this rope… and trust that when you pull it back the answer will be there. Trust in me and there is nothing you cannot find.” The babe giggles delightedly as he swings the rope this way and that in his tight little fist. God smiles and lays the boy back down and as he walks away the length of rope glows brightly in the boy’s fist… then fades away… nestled safely within his spirit.

The Angels fall silent as God approaches a young man. He sits at an old fashioned desk… writing furiously in the soft glow of candle light… as he has done thousands of times before. A manuscript… a play… a poem… his is one of the most creative minds of his time. His legacy born of a divine muse. God rests his hand on the young man’s shoulder… and he stiffens. “I am not yet ready” he whispers hoarsely, and God replies “It is finished.” The young man reluctantly lays down his quill and rises to follow God. “You gave me the gift of Word…” he begins and God nods “And there was no story you could not tell.”  God embraces the young man and say, “Walk with me,” and together they walk onward through the veil to pause on a busy street.

An expectant hush falls over Heaven as the Angels wait at the gates… ready for his return… there are souls on Earth that he visits…weeks… months… millennia apart. God walks through the veil of time on these visits.

People move about in fear and confusion and the sounds of sirens pierce the air. The young man frowns at the scene before him… and God approaches the pile of twisted glass and metal that had once been a family car. He looks down at a young woman as paramedics’ frantically work on her still bleeding form… and she looks up at him. Tears run down God’s face as he kneels beside her broken body. “Faith…” she whispers weakly… unheard by those nearest her in the midst of the surrounding chaos. “Yes child, My Faith… My Gift to you. You were steadfast when needed by others. Trusting that everything served a purpose… and having faith for those who had none of their own. You trust in me and now I am here to take you home.”  God takes both of her hands in his and together they rise. As God walks back to the young man she is bathed in pure light. Walking with faith burning in her spirit she joins God and the young man as they pass through the veil.

Deep in thought God pats his now empty pockets. The Angel’s watch him mulling over his selections… satisfied… proud. Simple things were selected… small items with impact enough to change the world. There is Life and where there is life… God gives out his gifts.

 

 

– Nova

Summer days…

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Summer days should be spent resting… playing… or getting into trouble.

I was resting when I met her… she was walking sunshine … sweet… generous… joyful…

Last night I listened to her brag about how many people wanted her… how many people want her.

Today… I ride the wave of uncaring.

Summer days should be spent resting… playing… or getting into trouble.

I was playing, as little girls do… when I spent time with her… house… dress up… doctor…

Last night I listened to her stories of lovers past… the ones who adored her… the ones she left… oh how she laughed… and laughed… and… laughed.

Today… I ride the wave of unfeeling.

Summer days should be spent resting… playing… or getting into trouble.

I was in trouble the second I gave her my heart…

Last night I listened as she told me what a great ’catch’ I am… how ‘practically perfect’…

Today… I ride the wave of undoing…

Summer days should be spent resting… playing… or getting into trouble.

Odd… how the ones who hurt us the most… are often times the ones we love the best.

 

–          Nova

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