It’s been an interesting year for me… full of joys, hurts, laughter and tears. It’s so easy for us to fall into patterns and habits that keep us stagnant… our minds numb… our bodies immobile. No personal growth, no spiritual growth no mental advancement. Just the endless drone of a life unfulfilled.
Five years ago I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the person staring back at me. So I changed my life, became quieter, kinder, more considerate of others and a peace maker. Where in the past I was ready willing and able to help MY PEOPLE I was now ready, willing, and able to help anyone. I left my predisposition for violent tendencies in the dust… I worked on ceasing my strong propensity to REACT in a major way… and I decided to… just BE HAPPY.
Interesting… when folks ask, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” MY answer is always “Depends on whether you’re thirsty or not.” Some brand my lack of that CLASSIC ‘half full’ answer as PESSIMISM.
When I assess a situation and give a REALISTIC perspective… one derived from taking into consideration: the people, the behaviors, the patterns and the histories involved… the lack of a HOPEFUL warm and fuzzy response (given the afore-mentioned parameters) gets me labeled NEGATIVE.
Actually taking time to THINK about life, a future, and a plan… has people thinking I am not spontaneous and ‘too serious’.
Stepping out on faith in my world is a communion with my God and Myself… He knows my heart, he lives in my spirit and he knows the outcome of all things. I am aware blessings come on God’s time… I pray for the wisdom to see them… I pray for the strength to meet the challenges they may pose and I pray for the good sense to appreciate them. Sometimes when we pray… the best answer God gives us is… “NO!”… hard to swallow and harder to understand… but still a blessing in its own right.
There will always be someone judging you. Whether you drink, smoke, or sex your life away… whether you are a size zero or a size 32… whether you are black, white, yellow or red… male or female… gay, bi, bi-curious, or straight… none of it matters… none of it validates you. There will ALWAYS be an empty person who has chosen to sit on a high horse they have built for themselves… that will pass precious time (they will never get back) on all of those IRRELEVANT judgments of YOU.
Last night my mother asked me… “If you looked back on this year… would you be satisfied? Did you appreciate your blessings? Were you good to people? Were you good to the ones you love best? Has this been time well spent? Are you at peace with the woman you’ve become? Are you proud of the life you have built? Are you at peace with the life you have lived?
My answer to Dear old MOM…
2013? Hmmm… the places I’ve been:
- Winston-Salem NC
- Ashville NC
- Atlantic City NJ
- Philadelphia PA
- Cleveland OH
- Grand Cayman
- Limon Costa Rica
- Cartagena Columbia
My Personal Failures:
- I’ve been lied to
- Had my heart broken
- Been disrespected
- Set up for humiliation
- Experienced the death of important friendships
- Learned the terms ‘FRIEND’ and ‘LOVE’ can be made profane
My Personal Successes:
- I’ve lost 64 lbs. (and still going)
- Gone Parasailing
- Gone White Water Rafting
- Signed up for my course study (classes start in November) to become a Certified:
- Life Coach
- Business Coach
- Relationship/Bereavement Coach
- Made great new friends
- Gotten a promotion at work
- Re-launched my blog
- Participated in the NYC AIDS WALK
- Fallen in love
The things I’ve planned:
- Sky Diving
- River Tubing
- Zip Lining
- Re-Launch of my online magazine
- Finish the BOOK I’m writing
- Work with Habitat for Humanity
- Finish Credit Repair
- Move (hopefully buying a house looking into it now)
- Become Certified Life Coach
- Go to London, Paris, Amsterdam
- Sign up for culinary courses
Seriously? I’ve come a long way from the person I was and I struggle to be the woman God intended. I struggle… every day. I’ve mourned my losses… I grieve… and I hold my blessings close… saturate myself in them and appreciate them.
Perfection is DIVINE. I am a reflection of my God… flawed, gifted, and beautiful… and Baby… I’LL NEVER BE PERFECT.
We only have one life to live… this is mine.