I’ve had this dream a few times:
I’m flying. Arms open wide, eyes closed, face turned into the breeze. I breath deep of misty air. Open my eyes & look down at my city: the buildings, people, lights like Vegas… Nighttime in NY. When the rain starts I relize I am holding onto something with my right hand. I look down at my clenched fingers & suddenly my heart starts racing.
A slight tug on my left makes me realize I’m not alone. My fingers are wrapped around someone else’s. Slowly, suddenly afraid, I turn to look at my companion… and look straight into the face of my grandfather. He smiles at me in his beautiful toothless way, n with his free hand points to my fisted one then nods. I look down at my hand & stare at it. Just as I start to open my fingers he lets me go… & I start falling.
I’m in free fall for a while, tumbling head over heels with nothing to grab onto. Gravity ceases to exist & I am soaked, hair sticking to my face & cold. Then I see it… a perfect ring of crystal clear water… hugging the edges of a field. Altogether it looks like one big eye staring up at me. The hard surface of that ground rushing up at me, my vision blurred by the sting of wind, tears & rain. I look at my fisted hand, fingers clenched so tightly they are bloody. It’s been said if you fall in a dream & land, you die in real life.
I know I am dreaming & I don’t care. I am more afraid of the fall itself… than the actual landing. The ground comes at me & I close my eyes braced for impact. Then… nothing. Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind. N suddenly I am not falling anymore. I hold my breath as our feet touch the ground. We are both soaked and trembling. My heartbeat so loud it reminds me of children banging away at drums. She turns me around & whispers “I’ll always catch you”. As I opened my eyes to look at her face, her lips touch my forehead & in a flash of pure white hot light… I wake up.
I know her, but I never see her face.
It’s time to put all of the old, all of the unfinished and all of the unnecessary chaos that builds up over the course of a year to bed.
Look back on the things you’ve done this past year and in the New Year… DO BETTER.
Look at the person you were in the last year and in the New Year… BE BETTER.
My 2014 wish for you:
Love hard, Laugh often, Party like tomorrow will never come…
and Treat EVERYONE with the kindness, respect and consideration YOU want from others.
Life is short… Count your blessings for they are many and you are counted among mine.
I love you like a promise kept.
Besos… let’s make THIS YEAR MEAN SOMETHING!!!!
“Understanding IS love… so Every Day… even though sometimes it may seem impossible… I try to understand.” – NovaCSA
It’s the Holidays…
Ride Santa! RIDE!!!
Law of the Jungle
NOW this is the Law of the Jungle — as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back —
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
Wash daily from nose-tip to tail-tip; drink deeply, but never too deep;
And remember the night is for hunting, and forget not the day is for sleep.
The Jackal may follow the Tiger, but, Cub, when thy whiskers are grown,
Remember the Wolf is a Hunter — go forth and get food of thine own.
Keep peace withe Lords of the Jungle — the Tiger, the Panther, and Bear.
And trouble not Hathi the Silent, and mock not the Boar in his lair.
When Pack meets with Pack in the Jungle, and neither will go from the trail,
Lie down till the leaders have spoken — it may be fair words shall prevail.
When ye fight with a Wolf of the Pack, ye must fight him alone and afar,
Lest others take part in the quarrel, and the Pack be diminished by war.
The Lair of the Wolf is his refuge, and where he has made him his home,
Not even the Head Wolf may enter, not even the Council may come.
The Lair of the Wolf is his refuge, but where he has digged it too plain,
The Council shall send him a message, and so he shall change it again.
If ye kill before midnight, be silent, and wake not the woods with your bay,
Lest ye frighten the deer from the crop, and your brothers go empty away.
Ye may kill for yourselves, and your mates, and your cubs as they need, and ye can;
But kill not for pleasure of killing, and seven times never kill Man!
If ye plunder his Kill from a weaker, devour not all in thy pride;
Pack-Right is the right of the meanest; so leave him the head and the hide.
The Kill of the Pack is the meat of the Pack. Ye must eat where it lies;
And no one may carry away of that meat to his lair, or he dies.
The Kill of the Wolf is the meat of the Wolf. He may do what he will;
But, till he has given permission, the Pack may not eat of that Kill.
Cub-Right is the right of the Yearling. From all of his Pack he may claim
Full-gorge when the killer has eaten; and none may refuse him the same.
Lair-Right is the right of the Mother. From all of her year she may claim
One haunch of each kill for her litter, and none may deny her the same.
Cave-Right is the right of the Father — to hunt by himself for his own:
He is freed of all calls to the Pack; he is judged by the Council alone.
Because of his age and his cunning, because of his gripe and his paw,
In all that the Law leaveth open, the word of your Head Wolf is Law.
Now these are the Laws of the Jungle, and many and mighty are they;
But the head and the hoof of the Law and the haunch and the hump is — Obey!
Let it find YOU!
To Love without Condition…
To Talk without Intention…
To Give without Reason…
To Care without Expectation…
Remember without Regret…
This… is the Heart of a True Friend.
Letter to LJ…
We’ve never met but you are important to me for the simple fact that you are important to “O” someone I love very much. She is so proud of you, wants so much for you… and loves you so much, therefore I… as a friend to her… have some love for you also. THAT in addition to over a million other reasons should be a good motivator for you to keep that Crazy, Old, Smart Azzed, Crusty, Puerto Rican FOOL around.
A little background on me: I was born and partially raised in one of the toughest cities in the world; I’m an Overweight, Lesbian, Black… Woman that didn’t go to college, someone who needs her job in order to ‘get by’… any one of those things BY ITSELF is a recipe and open invitation to be Discounted, Dismissed and Disrespected on a daily basis. Since I graduated High School I have been working in white, straight, size biased, gender biased, homophobic, racist, male dominated Corporate America. Please know I am Discounted, Dismissed and Disrespected REGULARLY. I am self-taught in almost everything and I have to prove myself over and over again EVERY day.
Growing up there were years my family did really, really well… house with a pool… 4 car garage, three family home… Catholic Private Schools, family businesses, a cheating husband/dad, an indifferent mother, a crazy sister and an extended family that overall makes a pack of vultures seem tame. Kind of a Haitian version of the Cosby Show meets the Black American version of Desperate House Wives. There were also years my family did really, really badly… living in the projects, sleeping on the floor, eating Ramon Noodle Soup (all day, every day because they were 10 packs for a $1.00), having no furniture and going to GoodWill for ‘new jeans’, with an absentee deadbeat dad, an oblivious mother, a bully for a sister and an extended family that makes enemies seem like old friends. Kind of like a Haitian version of Good Times meets the Black American version of All in the Family/Jefferson’s BEFORE they ‘moved on up’ (maybe before your time sorry lol).
My point… I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth… but I’ve eaten my ice cream with it. I wasn’t born in the ghetto but I survived it and it taught me how to handle the people, circumstances and situations that I have had to deal with every day. My Senior Year we had little to nothing. The only reason I managed to go to Prom was because my mom and older sister with the help of some of my friend’s mom’s… pulled together some money so the group of us could have that memory. However… there was no one to pay my senior dues, no funds for the senior trip and no class ring. I didn’t get to go to my High School Graduation… no cap and gown for me… I never walked down that isle. My diploma was mailed to me 2 months later and I got a copy of my year book when I joined my High School Alumni Association 5 years after the fact.
I’m giving you this background so you can better understand where I’m coming from… I’m not someone with money falling out of my azz… but when you are filling out your college applications or need to pay for your SAT’s… If you need help paying for your senior trip, I’ve got you. Just make sure you catch me on payday. If you decide you ever want to visit, (or escape Cleveland lol) I will help you in any way I am able. If you need a letter of reference or sponsorship for a program I will hustle up whatever I can. Your life has not been… and will continue… to not be easy, but your efforts are recognized. You are surrounded by people who pray for amazing things for you and people who believe in you.
I’ve been on my own since I was 19. On my own as in… working to pay my own way… full time job, my own apartment… bills in MY name. College was not an option for me; I had to work in order to live. There has never been anyone, and there is still no one… I can ‘call’ for help. That is not a life I wish on you, it’s not a life I wish for anyone. So I try to help… hoping that maybe in some way it will make a difference, and pave the way for someone else’s life to be BETTER than mine was at certain times. I give… hoping to make things a little easier for someone else and maybe take some of the pressure off. I read somewhere once: “The world is full of givers and takers. Takers will eat better… but Givers will sleep better.”
That having been said you are an intelligent young black man with dreams… a sense of decency, aspirations… a good head on your shoulders, and common sense… the Holy Grail, so there is a point to this letter. Being a black man is an obvious open invitation to be Discounted, Dismissed and Disrespected EVERY day. You will always need to be Stronger, Faster, Smarter… BETTER than everyone else. For the things “O” says you want… in life you will always… always need to make smart choices; the circles you run in, the schools you go to, the jobs you take and the habits you form. You will have to start at the bottom and work your way up. You will compete with others who have an advantage; more knowledgeable, more experienced… better connected etc. it is up to YOU to make those tough choices in order to build the life YOU want. Always remember where you come from. Let your roots be the foundation you build upon… in order to become the MAN you were BORN to be. We are molded by the circumstances of our lives… not defined by them.
You have people you can count on to support you and be in your corner, “O” and I among them. You are every BLACK Mother’s dream; a son… with a brain, a good spirit and a future… shaping himself into being a GOOD MAN and NOT STATISTIC. I didn’t have a consistent father figure… my uncles weren’t really in my life and I don’t have any brothers. So please know this care package and my offers are not charity. They are an investment in YOU and an investment in your future… because I don’t have a son yet… but I will… and when I do… I would want YOU to be someone he could look up to… and help me… teach him… how to be a man.
Please… ‘call me’ if you need me.
Always with Love – NovaCSA
Series of Unfortunate Events…
“Summer seems so cold without you, winter is even colder.”
When we make the same bad choices over and over again…
it is not a mistake…
It’s a DECISION!