Plan B…
You know how you have an idea of what your life is supposed to be? I wanted to buy a house, go to culinary school, get married, have babies, open a restaurant and finish one of the 7 books I’ve started writing. Yet somehow I’ve ended up a semi corporate drone, an ANALYST of all things finding and saving money for someone else. Curious turn of events…
You know since I came out I’ve had nothing but one man after another in my face. I have relatives trying to ‘fix me up’, just a mess.
I was at the movies with a ‘Stud’ friend standing on line to get popcorn and the second she steps out of line to answer her cell the guy behind me whispers “you’re cute… “
I was at baseball game with a ‘TomBoi’ friend and the man she was sitting next to kept winking at me over her shoulder… and every time she got up he had something to say (and given the fact that the game was HOURS long he had a LONG time to play around smh) When ol girl got up to go get a beer he leans over and says “this your first game… she explaining things right?” He leans over her empty seat at another point and closes his eyes and takes a long sniff at me and says “Damn… you smell good.” (Which in and of itself was hilarious because the dude sitting on the OTHER side of me said the same thing a few minutes prior). At another point when ol girl was at a bathroom run he gets up to go do something so I politely get up to let him pass, as he slides in front of me he pauses to look me flush in the face and whispers “you are so freakin pretty… oh my God” and shakes his head as he continues walking (LMAO). Now he was sweet, shared his peanuts with us… and was VERY chatty with her through the whole game… all the while grinning at me and WINKING over her shoulder… (too funny).
In both cases maybe we were friends…maybe we were an item, maybe we weren’t in any case THEY had no way of knowing for sure one way or the other. Every time I run into this I feel like the behavior is just… well.. weird… a lil disrespectful… but mostly… just weird.
I went out to dinner last week with an obviously aggressive woman and the second she gets up to go to the restroom a man comes over to ‘just say hello’… clearly we are on a date. (I think hand holding at the table, the light stolen kisses and the icky icky goo goo eyes are a major tell… don’t you?) Just disrespectful all around smh and when I stated I’m not interested… his answer? “Oh I’m sorry, just thought you’d like to have a compliment from a man” … WTF?
Honestly speaking my life would be soooo much easier if I just nodded and agreed when my ex-boyfriend called me up and suggested we ‘rekindle’. Truth be told… I think men in general are gross and smell like a combination of feet and bologna… and I’m so serious. There is nothing appealing to me about the idea of living out the rest of my life surrounded by ‘man odor’ sweaty balls… dirty guy socks (eeeeew). Of course I know there is more to men than that but… I’m not a fan. I think they are inherently callous, grasping and disrespectful (of course I’ve just recently been educated… there are women in men’s clothing that have that in them as well IJS). Sorry… I can’t walk the straight line… just can’t do it. *shrugs*
So I want children… I’m set on that, haven’t pinned down if I want a relationship lol but I def want children. Single lesbian + men make me nauseous = ADOPTION (ding ding ding). Now I have no interest in having a baby while single so an older child makes sense… but I’ve recently admitted with my current job… and lack of support… it’s not in the cards… and that was just devastating. Add to that new pressure at work… the great reveal of a thieving master manipulator in my life, the death of my baby kitty and a major light bulb going off regarding what I want out of life.
Its time for me to leave, I’ve lived in a 3 family house in suburbs of Hollis Queens…
A single family home with a swimming pool, circular driveway and 4 car garage on Embassy Blvd. two different luxury apartment complexes with gym an pool in Miramar Florida…
Dyckman Street Projects and a 1 bedroom apartment on Vermilyea Ave Uptown Manhattan…
A luxury apartment complex with tennis court, onsite daycare, gym, and swimming pool in Maple Shade, a virtual hell hole apartment in Stratford, NJ… all before the age of 18.
At 19 I ran for my life… took my life into my own hands and moved to MY first apartment in West Philadelphia, 2 bedrooms, fully furnished. Damn I was excited.
At 22 I packed up my things and came back to NYC. Since then I’ve lived in a Bedstuy Brownstone, a 1 bedroom apartment on 150th and Broadway, a luxury 2 bedroom apartment in a newly constructed 2 family home, a luxury glorified studio apartment and my current ‘ramshackle fixer upper’ in Jersey City. My mom calls me a nomad and I tell her “I will keep moving till I find the place I’m supposed to be.”
Right now… yeah… it’s time to go again.
So I’m on Plan B Status: Marriage, relationships? Not for me, just one disappointment after another (I don’t like being disrespected) and new friendships and romantic entanglements are a circus of disrespectful monkeys. So yeah… I’m good lol. No time for relationship BS and I have THE BEST, AWESOME and AMAZING friends… we’re always there for each other, we laugh together, cry together, hold each other up when things are bad and are each other’s personal cheer leaders (so yeah I’m spoiled… I don’t need new friends lol). Having made peace with these things… I’m actively working to rearrange my life so I can work more for myself…
I’m doing more makeup jobs… I’m a makeup artist.
I’m back to Plus Modeling… I hate runway lol.
I’m writing again… books will be finished come Hell or High-water.
I’m doing graphic arts again… and building websites.
I’ll be enrolling in culinary school… I will open that restaurant.
I will adopt my babies… and I’ll be moving… YET again…
I’m almost in the position to buy my house… moving out of state will DEF speed that up!
Mmmm moving… I’m thinking someplace warm… maybe ATL… (I’ve never been… its on my ‘to do’ list)
Or someplace eclectic…maybe Toronto… (love… love… love it there)
Or someplace rainy… maybe Seattle… (mmmm love me some rain)
I’m still figuring things out but I’ve never been afraid to blaze my own trail. Plan B is currently brewing… and will be put into action…
To quote (well…’she’ knows who she is lol)
“Sh*t just got REAL”.
LMAO… I love it.
POW!
– Nova