Pieces…
I’m an analytical person. I have my flaws… not the least of which include being stubborn. Things that may take others seconds or days to work out I spread before me like a giant jigsaw puzzle… and I work on every piece… until it is whole, until it makes sense. I always work my way to doing the right thing though… even if it takes weeks… even if it takes years.
There is something to be said about a core belief being shattered. Something that grounds you… being ripped from your DNA, and here we are… I hurt you, you hurt me… I miss you, and you… well I don’t know what you are doing.
I always knew you loved me… even when we fought… even when we lost touch… even when things were at their darkest… I always knew. When we were in it and after, I knew you loved me.
Imagine my surprise, when I capture snippets of you things you now say…
“The only time we ever got along was when we were physical.”
“After we broke up I wanted to be your friend but I was still attracted to you.”
“I decided then I didn’t want to be with you, I didn’t want to be in it almost from the very beginning. I don’t know why… WHY did I stay in a relationship I wasn’t happy in?”
Puzzle pieces to put together…
Like the ticking of a clock (reliable and steady) you tell me that I… didn’t love YOU. You never believed I loved you, no matter what I said or did then… no matter what I say or do NOW.
My mother always says, “when someone shows you who they are… believe them”.
I believe you.
Puzzle pieces…
With self discovery I acknowledged my shortcomings, understood my missteps, apologized and asked for friendship… because having you in my life (even on the periphery) felt vital and necessary. You asked me “Why? Why now?” and I answered “because you’re a good person”.
Well…
I believe I am too.
Puzzle pieces…
I have my flaws… not the least of which being equal part hard on myself, and others. Things that take others seconds or days to work out I spread before me like a giant jigsaw puzzle… and I work on every piece… until it is whole, until it makes sense.
This one has taken me years, but I think the final piece has finally been put in place, I see where it fits now.
I could never understand WHY you didn’t believe me, why you didn’t believe I loved you… couldn’t convince you then… can’t convince you now.
Except, now I understand… I don’t have to.
I’ve burned that bridge, and now… you’ve successfully burned yours.
Despite everything I always knew you loved me… even when we fought… even when we lost touch… even when things were at their darkest… I always knew. When we were in it and after, I knew you loved me.
I’m sorry I did such a poor job of giving you the same, you deserved better. I’m disappointed that someone who meant so much to me… thinks they meant so little.
Puzzle pieces put together…
“The only time we ever got along was when we were physical.”
“After we broke up I wanted to be your friend but I was still attracted to you.”
“I decided then I didn’t want to be with you, I didn’t want to be in it almost from the very beginning. I don’t know why… WHY did I stay in a relationship I wasn’t happy in?”
Standing now on the other side of a bridge we have both managed to turn to ash…
It’s taken years, but the final pieces have been put in place, I understand now.
My memory of you is a lie.
You never loved me… it was just attraction and physical compatibility warping perception.
Clearly I didn’t know you then… and I definitely don’t know you now.
There is something to be said about a core belief being shattered. Something that grounds you… being ripped from your DNA, and here we are… I hurt you, you hurt me… I miss you, and you… well I don’t know what you are doing.
My mother says, “when someone tells you who they are… believe them”.
I believe you.
Things that should have taken me seconds or days to work out spread before me in a giant jigsaw puzzle…
I worked on every piece… and finally its finished, finally it makes sense.
I have no idea who you are. I don’t know you now… I never knew you.
The person I fell in love with was not real… and I understand that now.
You are right…
I never loved you.
– NovaCSA